How do I find you?
by Julimay
Summary: ‚She turned big red-rimmed eyes to her mother, searching for answers. „Can you be in love with someone you've only had one night with, mom?"' How a one-night-stand between Kate and Rick saved Johanna Beckett's life. AU. Set 1999
1. Chapter 1

October 1998

Why, oh why had she agreed to go to this party tonight? She should have just said no when Emilia had asked her to go out. But she'd been so persuasive. Kate had this huge exam tomorrow morning and partying the night before couldn't be a smart idea.

 _Come on, Kate, you've been studying for this exam for the last two months. Everything you haven't remembered by now you won't remember until tomorrow._

That's what her friend had said. And technically she knew everything she needed to know for her exam. But she shouldn't party tonight. And she definitely wouldn't have more than this one drink she was currently nursing. She wouldn't kill any brain cells tonight and she wouldn't turn up hungover at her exam tomorrow.

 _Please Kate, this is the first day in months that I haven't felt like crawling under my blanket and cry because of Malcom. Please, I feel like going out tonight._

So maybe she'd looked forward to spent some fun time with her friend tonight after she needed to study most of the time the last two months and Emilia hadn't been the most cheerful person anyway because of her ugly break up with Malcom. And their evening had started of nice enough. They'd been able to talk over the drink they ordered, which they hadn't been able to do in a while. But now

Kate was sitting at the bar all alone, her friend intoxicated and dancing. She watched her giggling and dancing rather closely with some really hot guy. Kate couldn't decide if she was jealous, annoyed or just angry at herself for agreeing to come the day before her big exam.

She kept watching Emilia and that guy. He was tall, he definitely had a nice body. But then he turned his head a little and Kate could see the dumb look in his eyes. Well, she guessed she could rule out jealousy then. The guy looked liked he couldn't form a sentence that contained more than three words. Kate had always been one to find intelligence attractive. What use was a guy with a six pack if he could only count to four?

Kate sighed. She should have just stayed at the dorm. She could have relaxed there. She could have read this new book she'd bought. She looked around, Trying to find anything interesting that would distract her until she and Emilia could finally leave. Then she caught sight of her purse. There it was. Her new book.

She let her gaze wander around the place again. Most people were on the dance floor. Could she pull her book out and read in a place like this? People would think she was a nerd.

What the hell, she thought, I don't care what people think. She could either read now and relax a little or she could grumble over her friend and wait the next two hours until they would finally leave together.

She pulled out her book and opened it. Soon she was entangled in the mystery. James Patterson was a great author. Of course Kate wouldn't tell her mom that. She always wanted to persuade her into reading mystery novels. Kate had always refused but earlier today when she'd been at the bookstore she'd decided to try and had picked up the first bestseller in that genre she'd seen.

She was so absorbed in her book that she didn't notice anything around her. The loud music wasn't bothering her at all. She didn't notice when her friend started making out with the guy she'd been dancing with. And she definitely didn't notice the young man on the other end of the bar, falling just a little bit in love with her with every page she turned.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick was waiting for his blind date. This was a stupid idea.

His mother had convinced him to fly to California to see her play. And even if he would never admit it, it had been rather enjoyable. But when they'd gone out to dinner afterwards she'd been adamant that he would start dating again. And he really was over Kyra. Really. Mostly anyway. But letting his mother arrange a blind date with an actress definitely wasn't the way to dive into the dating world again.

But his mother had been insistent. _Come on, Richard. You could use some fun. Meredith is a fun enough woman. Not a care in the world. What's wrong with some uncomplicated fun, Richard? You could really use it. And you know, you don't have to propose to every girl you sleep with._

He knew his mother ment well. He'd been quiet upset the last year because of his break up with Kyra. And his mother was right too. It was about time to put himself out there again. So he had agreed. Plus he really didn't want to talk about his (nonexistent) sex life with his mother. And that was definitely where the conversation was headed.

But now Meredith was late. That was just rude. Rick already didn't want to meet her anymore. Maybe he should just go back to his hotel. He decided that he would finish his drink and if she wouldn't show until then he would leave.

He looked around the place. The dance floor was packed, as were the sofas surrounding it. Surprisingly the bar was relatively empty. There was a man, drinking one shot after another, looking really upset. Rick could easily imagine his story. He probably just had had a break up or a big fight with his significant other. Not that interesting. And the three girls to his left were quite intoxicated too, giggling and having a great time. A girl's night out, Rick suspected. Not really story material either.

But then he caught sight of _her._ He was immediately intrigued. A gorgeous brunette on the other end of the bar. Her face was hidden from his sight as she was looking down and her hair was covering her profile. She was reading. In a bar! The music was way to loud to read. How could she read with so much noise around her?

Why was she reading in a bar? Rick had never seen someone read in a bar. He couldn't imagine why anyone would do that. Who did go out to a bar to read there? And why?

Normally he was very good at coming up with stories to explain peoples behavior. But he couldn't come up with a story that would explain why she was reading in a bar. She was a mystery.

And she was absolutely beautiful. Her hair was long and shiny and it looked so soft. And she had the perfect body too. But the sexiest thing about her was the way she was absorbed in the book. People came up beside her, shot her a strange look, ordered their drinks and walked away again. She didn't even look up once. Like she didn't notice at all.

When she turned a page she shifted a little and tucked her hair behind her ear. Rick could see most of her face now. God, she was so beautiful. He watched her read. He couldn't see the title of the book but what he could see was her reaction to the things she read.

She was biting her lip, frowning her eyebrows in confusion, smiling at something. At some point she went back a few pages to reread something, then going back to the place where she'd been, smiling triumphantly like she'd just figured something out.

So many emotions played on her face while she was reading and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Oh god, he was already starting to fall in love with her. He didn't even know her. He had never talked to her but he thought he might be in love already. With her. With the woman who was reading a book in a bar.

He wanted to get to know her. He wanted to know why she was reading in a bar. He wanted to start solving the mystery of her. He finished his drink, took all his courage together and made his way towards her.

O-o-o-o-o

Wow, this book was so good. She decided that this was her new favorite genre. Mystery novels. She should have listened to her mom.

She was already half way through and she was almost sure that she knew who the killer was, what she hadn't figured out yet was why he'd done it. It was great. She loved this book. Tomorrow after her exam she would go back to the bookstore and buy another one. And maybe she'd swallow back her pride and tell her mom that she was right. She could already hear the _I told you so, Katie._ But when she admitted to it she could ask her to send her some more books.

„Must be some book" a deep voice beside her stated and she startled. She inwardly groaned. Who dared to interrupt her reading?

She looked up, planning to get rid of whoever interrupted her. But when she finally caught sight of the stranger the words stuck in her throat. Beautiful blue eyes were looking at her. The man attached to the eyes was pretty handsome too. His posture was confident but in his eyes she caught a glimpse of nervousness. Somehow she found that endearing.

There was more in his eyes too. Interest, like he really wanted to get to know her and something she couldn't name. Something that was softer than she'd ever seen in a man's gaze before. Unconsciously her lips turned up into a smile.

„Yeah, it's pretty good" she said, remembering his remark.

He gave her a smile that light up his whole face. „Mind if I sit down?" he asked, pointing at the stool next to her.

She made an inviting gesture. „Help yourself." She looked down at her still open book, memorized the page she was on and shot it closed.

„What are you reading?" the handsome stranger asked. She'd tucked the book back into her purse.

She was just about to answer when he changed his mind. „Wait, don't tell me. I want to guess."

Kate decided to play. „You've got three tries to figure out the genre. If you don't get it right on the last try, I'll go back to reading my book" She didn't really plan to follow through with that but he didn't need to know that.

He gulped. „you drive a hard bargain, …" he waited for her to give her name.

But she shook her head smirking.  
„No'o" she singsonged. „I'll give you my name if you can figure out the author inside the genre"

He laughed, his eyes sparkling with joy.

„Don't worry, _Miss I'm-not-telling-you-my-name-yet._ I'm very good at solving mysteries"

„Well, go ahead then, Mystery-Man"

„The book you were reading is…" he made a dramatic pause which had her roll her eyes. „… a romance novel" he smirked, eyes sparkling mischievously.

She huffed. „Please"

„Recipe book?"

„You are either pretty sure that you already know the genre or you just decided that you don't want to talk to me any longer if you are suggesting something as ridiculous as that"

„Oh, I am" he grinned. She pulled one eyebrow up as if to challenge him. „You were reading a mystery novel" he exclaimed triumphantly.

Kate rolled her eyes but internally she was delighted that he'd figured it out. „Well, I guess we can keep talking then" she shrugged as if she didn't really care but his bright blue eyes saw right through her.

„I guess we can" he grinned back, knowingly. „But I want to change our agreement. If I figure out the author, I want to know _why_ you were reading in a bar"

Kate contemplated that for a moment. This guy was interesting. Very. And handsome too. Very much so too. And there was a spark between them she'd never felt before. Talking to him, flirting with him was easy and fun. She grinned.

„Sure. Why not?" she agreed to his suggestion.

„Okay, the author, let me think…" he made a show of contemplating the options. But he already knew who's book she'd been reading. He knew what the competition's books looked like.

„James Patterson"

Kate's jaw hit the floor. How did he know that? There was no chance he could have caught the author's name on her book. „How do you know that?"

He laughed and shrugged. „I know the genre pretty well. There are other great authors there. Better than Patterson. You should try"

„Maybe I will" she told him.

„You really should. But now I get to know why you were reading in a bar."

„Can't figure it out, can you?" she asked sassily, without knowing how right she was. That was exactly what had interested him in her, why he'd been so drawn towards her.

„Not really, no" he said with a lopsided smile, it was almost shy. And Kate couldn't help but find it adorable.

„I came here as a favor for a friend but she abandoned me. Then I discovered that I still had the book I bought this afternoon, so I thought I could use the time until we leave to read" Kate shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Just when he wanted to point out what a crappy friend she had, a petite blonde woman came walking towards them. She seemed to be drunk, pulling a grinning guy behind her. Both of them were laughing drunkenly. He'd seen this often. They were going to leave and have a one-night-stand.

The woman, more a girl, stopped in front of Kate.

„I'm leaving. See you tomorrow" Emilia said and kissed Kate on the cheek. Then she hurried away faster than Kate could reply. The guy followed behind her.

Great, Kate thought. She'd been sitting in this bar for three hours just to be left alone now. This wasn't how she'd imagined this night to go. She'd thought she would go out with her friend, have a drink or two and then go back to the dorm together.

„I don't think I like your friend" the man beside her said.

„I don't really like her either right now." Kate grumbled. „I didn't really want to come here in the first place" she said more to herself than to him.

„Want to get out of here" he asked and their eyes met. His were full of hope, excitement and nervousness. And something softer, something Kate couldn't name but something she wanted to explore.

But she really should go back to her dorm now. Get some sleep to be well-rested for her exam tomorrow. She shouldn't spend more time with the handsome stranger tonight.

Nonetheless she found herself agreeing and the happiness that sparkled in his eyes had her think that she made the right decision. Never had somebody looked so happy at the prospect of spending time with her. It made her feel special.

When he carefully took her hand in his and looked at her to check if it was okay, the spark she felt banished all thoughts of law exams out of her mind. They both smiled and their smiles were way to soft for people who had just met. But she didn't care. It just felt right. She let him pull her out of the bar, into the cold October night. And he was just the kind of guy to lent her his scarf when he noticed her shiver.

She thanked him and tried not to inhale to deeply. But he just smelled so good. It made her whole body tingle with excited energy. She didn't feel cold any longer.

Soon they found themselves in a cab, on their way to his hotel. They talked about everything and nothing at once. She'd never felt this strong of a connection with another person before. And when the cabbie made a fast U-turn she fell into his side. He caught her and didn't let go of her again, hugging her to his side. She found herself looking at his lips more often than not. When he caught her staring at his lips a strange moment passed between them before he leaned down to brush his lips in a featherlike kiss to hers.

It was so sweet, so careful. And he pulled back again. He was holding back himself. But Kate didn't want that. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted more of the feeling she'd experienced when their lips had touched. She couldn't name how he made her feel. But it was warm and energizing and nothing she'd experienced before.

She tilted her head back, brought one of her hands to the back of his and pulled him down. Their lips met again. She'd never liked tender, slow kisses but he made her love them.

The cab stopped and they parted. He paid the driver and pulled her out of the car behind him. He held her close to him while they walked inside a very expensive looking hotel. In the elevator they kissed again, still slower than she'd ever kissed anybody else but getting a little more heated the longer they continued. A loud ring announced that they'd arrived their destination.

He took her hand again and they walked down the corridor until he stopped, pulled out his keycard out of his wallet and they closed the door behind them.

Now that they finally were in a private place she took more control of their kisses, heating them up a little but without rushing.

How they made their way to the bed she did not know. But when her hands started to open his belt he stopped her.

„Are you sure?" he asked like he would seriously stop if she said no. His gaze bored into her. She felt like there was more meaning behind his words than he let on. But right now she only wanted them to get naked. For him to show her what sex could feel like. Because she already knew they would be amazing together. Their kisses alone where better than any sex she'd had until now.

„I'm sure" she breathed against his skin, sighing happily when their lips met again.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate woke up feeling safe and warm. She blinked her eyes open and closed them at the brightness of the light. God, why was it so bright? Normally it wasn't this bright when she got up to go to her lectures or test.

Oh god, her exam! Her really huge, really important law exam! It was today. And it was so bright already. Something couldn't be right. And then she remembered. She remembered why she was feeling so warm and safe. Last night had been amazing. Really amazing. Like the best night of her life.

But now she woke up way to late, way to far away from campus. And her exam started in an hour. She needed to hurry. Really hurry. Carefully she slipped out of his embrace, immediately missing the warmth. But she couldn't think about this right now. She needed to hurry. She collected her clothes and put them on before she slipped out of the hotel room, ran down the stairs, stopped a cab and promised the cabbie an extra large tip if he got her to her campus in time.

Mentally she tried to pull back to the forefront of her mind what she knew about law. When the cab finally reached her destination the only thing in her mind was her exam and law. Perfect. She was ready and she still had ten minutes to run to the class room. She paid the cabbie and got out.

Slightly out of breath she arrived there five minutes early. _You got this, Katie, you will rock this exam._ Kate could hear her mother's voice inside her head. _I've got this,_ she thought in agreement with her mother.

She was ready, still in yesterdays clothes but since she had only worn them for about four hours that wasn't too terrible. She only wished she had had time to brush her teeth. But that wasn't important right now. The only thing that counted now was her exam. With everything else she could deal later.


	2. Chapter 2

I know this Chapter is short but the next one will be longer again. There is definitely more to the story.

Thanks to everybody who has reviewed and/or favorited the story.

O-o-o-o-o

The sun was tickling his nose when he woke up. Before he opened his eyes to the bright light he remembered last night. His lips turned up in a smile. This woman was special. She was beautiful and smart and just extraordinary. He was already in love.

And he didn't even know her name yet. Somehow they'd never come around to exchange names. He decided to change this right now. He turned to the other side of the bed and opened his eyes. Just to see it empty. The corners of his lips turned down and he sat up. Looking around the room desperately. But she was nowhere to be found. Her clothes were gone, there was only a tiny hint of her scent in the room and the room was way to empty and quiet.

He closed his eyes, fighting a huge wave of disappointment. Yes, he knew they didn't really know each other. But last night had felt special. And he could have sworn that it meant more than an one-night-stand to her too.

Maybe she left her phone number? He opened his eyes again to search the nightstand but there was nothing other than his phone, a book and the foil of the condom they'd used last night.

Great, he thought. He'd finally been okay with his break up with Kyra, had even fallen in love with someone else just to have her leave him after one night. Tears were burning in his eyes. Why was he such a loser? Why had he slept with her instead of asking her for her name, her number, anything about her.

He couldn't really blame her for thinking this was a one-night-stand. It was him after all who had suggested skipping names in favor to ask something irrelevant. He had asked her to come to his hotel room. So of course she'd thought this was a one-night-stand. He was so stupid.

Cursing his stupidity he pushed himself out of bed and into the bathroom. Under the spray of the shower he cursed himself some more. They'd talked so much but about nothing at all. He knew nothing about her. He didn't know her name, he didn't know where she lived, he didn't know how old she was. He had no clues how to find her.

He sighed heartbrokenly. Maybe the disappointment would fade. He didn't know her after all. He couldn't really be in love with her already, right?

When his mother called to ask him where he was he remembered that he was supposed to pick her up to drive to the airport together. Her play was over and they were going back to New York today. He had completely forgotten about that. He told her he would be there soon. Then he threw all his things into his suitcase and climbed into a cab to pick her up from her hotel.

All the while he tried to banish the Mystery woman out of his head but without success. He couldn't think about anything else. And even while he knew that his attempts would go without success he tried to put on a bright brave facade for his mother.

O-o-o-o-o

„Oh boy, I'm so glad this is finally over" Paul, one of Kate's classmates groaned when they made their way out of the classroom.

„Yeah, finally" Sarah agreed. „I couldn't have studied one day longer. I just hope I passed"

Kate didn't really listen to her friends discussing the exam. Now that it was finally over she allowed herself the thoughts she had shot down the prior few hours. Last night had been amazing. He was so perfect. He was funny, sweet, hot not to forget ruggedly handsome. Her lips still tingled when she thought about him.

Paul shoved her playfully. „You are quiet, K-Becks. What's wrong? You are not afraid you failed the exam are you? You are probably better than all of us, like usual."

Kate shook her thoughts off for a moment. „No, I'm pretty sure I passed it."

„Well, light up then" Paul said. „We are going out for drinks. You're game?"

„Ah no, sorry" Kate said. „I have to pass. I'm meeting someone" She couldn't fight the lovesick smile forming on her lips. Whenever she closed her eyes the only thing she saw were gorgeous blue eyes. Like they were tattooed to the inside of her eyelids.

„Oh" Paul looked a little crestfallen but Kate didn't even notice. „Okay then. See you around"

They parted ways and Kate headed into the direction of her dorm. Once she was there she pulled her phone out to send a text.

That's when she noticed it. She didn't even have his number. Nor did she know his name. She had no way to contact him.

Kate felt like someone had splashed a bucket full of ice water over her head when she realized that last night would probably stay a one-night-stand.

She sat down on her bed, feeling a little empty. She didn't really now what to think. The rational part of her told her that she had no reason to be upset. She was an adult and there was nothing wrong with having a fun night with a stranger once in a while. It didn't mean anything. Her heart on the other hand cursed her for not exchanging names, for not giving him her number.

She tried to rationalize the sad feeling away. There was no way she could have feelings for this stranger. But the longer she tried to forget the handsome stranger the more she started to regret her actions this morning. She wished she hadn't left in such a hurry.

Kate let herself fall down on the bed. They had had a connection. She had never felt like this with someone. Ever. She had had full intentions to get to him better, to pursue a relationship with him. But now… she had destroyed it.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the story. It always makes me happy to hear your opinions. Special thanks to the guest reviewer who took the time to write such a long response. You'll get some of your questions answered in this chapter, I think._

 _I just want to say that I always proofread every chapter three or four times before posting it. But since English is not my native language I guess there will always be some mistakes. But please keep pointing them out so I can correct them and improve my language skills._

O-o-o-o-o

November 1998

Johanna Beckett was on her way to the prison to meet a new client, Joe Pulgatti, when her phone rung with Katie's ringtone.

Huh? Strange, Johanna thought. Katie never called in the mornings when she knew her parents would be at work. Well, she would call her back and ask what she wanted as soon as she arrived at her destination. Johanna didn't take calls while driving.

The ringing stopped but half a minute later it started again. Now Johanna was worried. Something must be wrong. Calling twice in less than a minute was very un-Katie-like behavior. The next parking space she saw she pulled in and stopped the car just as the ringing stopped. While she searched her purse for her phone it already started ringing again.

Something was wrong. Very wrong. Where was the stupid phone?

Ah there! Johanna pulled it out and took the call, her hands almost shaking out of worry.

„Katie?" yeah, her voice sounded worried too.

„Mom?" came Kate's sob over the line.

Johanna felt a tightness pulling around her heart at her daughter's upset and fearful voice. She sounded scared. What was she scared of?

„What happened, Katie?" Johanna asked, her heart beating faster, her body tingling with anxious energy, ready to do anything to protect her little girl.

„Oh, mom" Kate sobbed. „I did something stupid. I don't know what to do." A few hiccups interrupted her before she asked with the most scared and tiniest voice Johanna had ever heard her daughter use. „Can you come here, mommy?"

„What's wrong, Katie? Are you in trouble?" What could possibly have happened that had her oh-so-independent daughter wanted her to fly out all the way to California?

„No. I…I… I just need you. Please" her voice broke again with another heartbreaking sob.

„Of course I'm coming, baby" Johanna said. How could she not? „But can you at least tell me what this is about?"

„I…I'm…I'm…" Kate tried to choke out what was bothering her so much. „I can't. I can't tell you over the phone, mommy. Please come here"

„Of course. But it will take me a few hours, baby and I have to get off the phone to arrange a few things, book a flight, pack a bag." Johanna told her, knowing she wouldn't get any information right now.

„Okay" Kate whispered in a tiny voice. „Please hurry, mommy"

„I will, baby" Johanna reassured her. „I'll be there as soon as I can."

After they hung up, Johanna dialed her husband.

„Beckett" he said into the phone.

„Yeah, hi Jim, it's me" Johanna said. „Are you at the office?"

„Yes, why?" he asked, already catching the worried undertone in his wife's voice.

„Listen" Johanna started. „I need you to book me the next possible flight to California"

„Why?" Jim asked, worry already filling his voice too.

„I don't really know yet. Katie called, she was crying, sobbing really. She asked me to come to her. She sounded so scared. She called me _mommy,_ Jim. She hasn't done that in years. But she wouldn't tell me what's wrong. Just asked me to come and said she couldn't tell me over the phone."

While Johanna explained she could already hear Jim hitting his keyboard in the background.

„Flight leaving in one hour, okay?" he asked, his finger hovering over the „book"-button.

„Yes, but I have to hurry. I call you when I'm at the airport."

O-o-o-o-o

Rick found himself strolling through the loft again. He could hear the silent pad-pad of his own footsteps. He hated it. He hated how quiet it was, how lonely. Why again had he bought this spacious place when he had nobody to share it with?

He was almost looking forward to the visit his mother was going to pay him later. Almost. The loft wouldn't be quiet then anymore. But she would insist that he went out, had fun, met someone. And he wasn't ready. He knew his mother meant well. She only wanted to help him. But every time he thought about Mystery-Woman he felt like he'd lost the love of his life.

Whichever he knew was ridiculous because they only had had one night. But it was the best night of his life and he just wished things had gone differently.

Sometimes he felt okay, inspired even to write, glad that he had at least gotten to know something about her. But most days he just missed her. Or the idea of her. He couldn't write then. He tried to find her but there was just no point because he didn't know anything about her.

When there was a knock, he opened the door to invite his mother in. He served the dinner he'd cooked for them and tried to concentrate on her tales from her new play.

„Richard, darling, don't you think it's time for you to put yourself back out there. You never know, maybe you'll find someone who catches your attention. Or I could ask Meredith again. I still have her contact information. She's deeply sorry she forgot about your blind date that night"

„No thanks, mother. I know it's ridiculous. That I shouldn't feel so deeply for a woman I don't even know but I can't do anything about it. And I'm really not ready to date again. It just feels wrong" Rick said with a sad broken voice.

This was not her cheerful optimistic boy, Martha thought sadly. All his childhood he'd rarely been sad. He had always found a way to enjoy life, no matter how hard it was, no matter how tight money had been during his childhood. Occasionally he had been upset (still was) about not knowing his father but two days later he'd found something that brought his cheerfulness back. But now he wasn't a little boy anymore and stupid women kept breaking her baby boy's heart. And apparently there was nothing that could cheer him up right now.

Martha placed her hand over his and squeezed it. „I'm sorry, darling." She wished she could do something for him but there wasn't anything.

„Me too" he sighed. „But tell me again about this play. It's about Christmas, right?" he changed the topic.

So she told him. And even while he was still sad and heartbroken, talking about his favorite holiday made it a little better. A tiny little bit. But it was something.

O-o-o-o-o

Johanna knocked on her daughter's door. Her back hurt from the flight and she was very tired but she didn't notice anything of that. She was only relieved that she'd finally reached her destination after her 10 hour flight.

Kate opened the door and immediately fell around her mother's neck. She sobbed into her shoulder and it was all Johanna could do to gently walk them into Kate's dorm room.

„Whatever this is about, Katie, I'm sure everything will sort itself out" she tried to comfort her but it only made her cry harder. So Johanna kept rubbing her back, the thought of her daughter crying the last twelve hours broke her heart.

„Come on. Let's sit down on your bed and try to calm down, okay honey?" she whispered softly.

Kate nodded and let her mother pull her down on the bed.

Johanna let her cry for a while. She thought she slowly got a feeling what this could be about. Kate was never scared and if she was she didn't admit it. And never had she been as scared as she was now.

After a while Kate's sobs turned into hiccups. The tears had stopped for now and she seemed to collect her courage to tell her mother what was bothering her so much.

„I'm…I'm" she broke up. She couldn't say the word. She just couldn't. It was like saying it would make it more true. Kate got up, walked into her bathroom and came out again, holding something with the tips of her fingers like it would burn her if she held it tighter. Her hand was shaking and the object fell to the ground. She picked it up, flopped down on the bed beside her mother and gave the object to her. Silent tears were running down her face again.

Johanna took the pregnancy test from her daughter's shaking hands. She didn't need to turn it to know that it was showing two lines. She did anyway. Just to be sure.

„I'm so sorry, mommy" Kate whispered, her throat tight with tears. „I was so stupid. I'm so sorry"

Her whole body was trembling like she was afraid of Johanna's reaction. She put the test down on the bed beside her and pulled her daughter close.

„It's okay, Katie. You don't have to apologize" she whispered into her daughter's hair. „I love you, honey. We will figure something out"

Kate hugged her tighter, Johanna almost wasn't able to breathe anymore because of the tight embrace. But she didn't care.

„Everything will be okay, baby. I love you." Johanna said again and could feel how some of the tension eased from her daughter's shoulders. Katie hadn't thought she would love her any less because of this, had she? But since it helped reduce the tension she told her again and again until Kate pulled away a little, whispering a silent thank you.

„So" Johanna started. „Who is this baby's father?" she asked, just to witness her daughter's eyes filling with tears again. Sad and regretful. Oh no, she'd hoped there was someone in the picture.

„I don't know" Kate whispered, her voice so full of regret and desperation.

„What do you mean you don't know?" Johanna inquired. Yes, Katie had been rebellious the past years but she'd never been irresponsible. Surely she wasn't sleeping around with random guys, was she?

„Well I know who. I just don't know anything about him" Kate whispered heartbrokenly. Then she turned big red-rimmed eyes to her mother, searching for answers. „Can you be in love with someone you've only had one night with, mom?"

Salty tears run down Kate's cheeks in a never ending flow. „Oh sweetie" Johanna whispered compassionately, pulling her in for another hug.

„Tell me how this happened, baby" Johanna asked. „Right from the beginning"

Kate took a deep breath to collect herself before she pulled away from her mother, stoically looking at the seam of her socks as she started to tell the story.

„It was a day before the big exam last month. A friend, Emilia, asked me to go out with her. So despite my better judgement I did. But just after a short time she abandoned me at the bar to go dance with some guy. So I was bored. We'd agreed to go back home together so I waited. Then I remembered that I still had this new book in my purse so I just started to read"

„In a bar?" Johanna interjected disbelieving.

Kate smiled sadly. „You sound like him" she said and in the way she said _him_ Johanna could hear her daughter's heartbreak.

Then she went on. „Then this guy was suddenly there, stating that it must be quite some book if I could read in a place like that. He was so nice and handsome. We started to play this game. He had to guess the genre and the author of my book and in return I would tell him something about me. It was fun, mom." Kate looked up at her for a moment.

Johanna gave her a very soft smile. It seemed like her baby girl was in love. Like really in love, not like she'd been in love with Brant Edwards. But the real kind of love, the hurting kind. The amazing kind of love.

„Hewas fun. And sweet. And just a little shy in some moments which was adorable. And it was so much fun talking to him, playing this stupid game. But then Emilia came to me, told me she was leaving with the guy she'd been dancing with and was gone before I could even reply. He said he didn't like my friend. I agreed. He asked if I wanted to get out of there and I said yes."

She stopped for a moment. Then she met Johanna's eyes again, so much vulnerability in her gaze.

„I meant to say no. I really meant to. But my mouth had other plans. There was just something about him, I don't know how to describe it. But I just wanted to be near him. I was so fascinated by his presence alone. I don't know, I can't explain…" she searched her mother's eyes for understanding and obviously she found it since she continued.

„And he was so _happy_ that I agreed. Happy, mom. And I felt so happy too. And he was so so sweet, gave me his scarf, opened the doors for me, didn't let go of my hand. And then he kissed me so sweetly and I kissed him back. And I think I did it all wrong the previous times because kissing _him_ was so amazing. I felt like flying. Then we were at his hotel and I followed him up to his room and then well… obviously we had sex" Kate said, glaring at the pregnancy test like she had glared at the darkness when she was three years old and refused the night light.

„But just like kissing, that was so much better too." Tears were flowing again and Johanna guessed they were at the heartbreaking point of the story now.

„Didn't you use protection?" Johanna asked. They had had that talk years ago. And Katie had promised her back then to always be responsible when it came to that.

„We did" Kate said in a defensive voice. Quieter she added „the first time."

„I guess we forgot the second time"

Kate stared down at her feet again. „I don't know how I could forget, mom. I'm so sorry. I don't know… something about him… he just made me forget to think" she sighed, her breath coming shakily.

„When I woke up it was already so late. Just an hour before the exam. So I panicked, dressed quietly and slipped out of the room as fast as I could so I wouldn't be late for the test."

Kate's eyes were so full of regret.

„I wish I had left my number or woken him up or skipped the test and stayed. I don't know how I can miss him so much, mom. I don't even know him. I've never felt like this. And now I'm…I'm…" her throat closed on the word. She just couldn't say it.

„Pregnant" Johanna supplied.

„Yeah that" Kate chocked. „And I have no way to tell him. I don't even know his name. Why don't I know his name, mom?" She searched her mother's eyes desperately as if they could hold the answer.

„Oh honey" Johanna said compassionately. She pulled Kate into another hug. While the young woman rested her head on her mother's shoulder Johanna gently rubbed her back.

Lonely silent tears started to wet Johanna's blouse.

„Katie?" she asked after a while. There were some things they hadn't talked about yet.

„Hm?" hummed Kate. She'd been deep in thought. She missed him so much. The last month she hadn't done anything but regret what she'd done that morning.

„You know we will support you whatever you decide. Your dad and I. So… have you thought about if you want to keep the baby?"

„Yes?" came Kate's insecure voice after a few moments.

„Is that a question or a statement, Katie?"

„Statement?" a question again.

Johanna kissed the top of her head. „Think about it. Whatever you decide, your dad and I love you and will support you no matter what. You know that right?"

Kate nodded against her mother's shoulder.

„Speaking of your dad… I should call him soon. He is probably worried sick."

„Can we not tell him, please" Kate half-joked but Johanna could hear her worry behind the words anyway.

„Your dad loves you, Katie. No matter what. This doesn't change that" Johanna told her.

„I know" Kate sighed. „But he'll be so disappointed"

„He'll be a little crushed that his little girl isn't so little anymore. But he'll come around. Don't worry, Katie" Johanna promised. Of course Jim would hate the idea of his daughter having sex. Until now he could just live in denial. But he loved Katie and nothing would change that. And if she decided to keep the baby he would love his grandchild just as much.

„And now, Kathrine Houghton Beckett" Johanna started in a strict voice but with a gentle glint in her eyes. „You get your sorry backside up, clean up, put some nice clothes on and then we are going to this hotel and try to get a hold of your Mystery-Man."

Kate chuckled. „Yes mom" she saluted before she did as she was told and retreated to the bathroom.

O-o-o-o-o

Jim paced the living room. He couldn't stand still. He was so worried. The last time he had heard from Johanna was when she'd landed in California. Since then… nothing.

He was staring at his phone, willing it to ring. He was anxious. He needed to know what the problem was.

Just during the process of making himself his fifth (or sixth?) coffee, his phone finally rung.

„Finally" he breathed into the receiver in relief.

„Hey Jim" Johanna said.

„What's wrong with Katie?" he asked immediately. No time for smalltalk.

Jim was sure he'd heard wrong when Johanna outright said „she is pregnant"

„What?" Jim asked, there were no paths in his brain that connected the words _Katie_ and _pregnant._

„She is pregnant" Johanna repeated. „As in ‚she is going to have a baby'"

„This is not funny" Jim said. Clearly the problem couldn't be so big if Johanna was making jokes like that.

„That's because it's not meant to be funny, Jim" Johanna said dryly.

„What do you mean?" Jim asked confused.

Johanna sighed. „What I mean, Jim, is that your baby girl is not so little anymore. And that she is pregnant"

„This isn't a joke?" Jim asked, the color draining from his cheeks and he had to sit down on the kitchen chair.

„It's not"

„Katie is pr…pr…preg…" he couldn't say it.

„Pregnant" Johanna supplied, rolling her eyes. Like father, like daughter, she thought. Unable to say the word.

„Yes Jim, Katie is pregnant. So now I suggest you try to relax a little, get over the shock and then call to tell your daughter that you love her. Because I think she is actually worried about that. That we love her less because of this."

Jim nodded and let Johanna end the call. Then he sat at the kitchen table for a long time, staring into space, trying to get a hold on himself. He still loved Katie, of course. Nothing could ever change that. He just really wasn't ready for her to be pregnant.

She had only turned nineteen two weeks ago. How could his baby girl be pregnant?

O-o-o-o-o

Finding the hotel of course had turned out impossible. Kate had no idea where it was, what the name of the hotel was or even how long the cab ride there had taken. She had been so occupied with kissing him that she hadn't noticed anything that could give them a clue.

„I'm sorry Katie" Johanna said.

Kate shook her head. „It's not your fault that I haven't noticed my surroundings. Thanks for trying to help tough."

Johanna had never seen her daughter look so hopeless. It broke her heart for her. But there wasn't anything she could do.

„I wish I could do more, baby" Johanna sighed and pulled her daughter in a comforting hug.

After a long time Kate whispered „Mom?"

„Yes Katie?" Johanna prompted gently.

„Can I come home?" Kate asked, tears running down her face, her voice tiny.

„Oh sweetheart" Johanna whispered and kissed her daughter's forehead. „Of course you can, baby"

O-o-o-o-o


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you for all the reviews._

December 1st 1998

Rick Castle decided that he couldn't continue living like that. He was sulking and bathing in his own misery all day. Just because of a girl!

But not just any girl… _her!_

She wouldn't go out of his head. He kept dreaming about her. He kept seeing the sparkle in her eyes when she smiled. Whenever he walked by his bookshelf and his gaze fell onto the section with Peterson's books he saw her reading in that bar.

He sighed. Why had she left that morning? Didn't she want to have anything to do with him after they had had sex? Or was there another reason?

He'd thought that they had had a connection. From the way she had smiled at him, laughed with him, how she'd kissed him, the way she'd touched him made him believe that it hadn't been just a simple meaningless one-night-stand for her either.

Maybe she'd thought that it had been just a one-night-stand for him and had left before it could get awkward? If so he really needed to clarify that that wasn't the case. He fell in love with her that night.

He needed to do something. And he had an idea. He would find her. And then they could talk and take it from there. If she was going to tell him that it hadn't meant anything to her, he would be heartbroken. But at least he would have closure.

And if she felt the same way he did… Well, he would be the most happy man on this planet.

Yeah, he was determined to find her.

He opened his internet browser and booked a flight to California for tomorrow morning.

Just when he had finished packing his bag, his phone rang.

„Rick Castle" he answered it.

„Hallo Rick. It's Bob. I have tickets for the basketball game on Saturday. Do you want to come?" Came from the other end of the line.

„Sorry Mr. soon-to-be-mayor, but I'm flying out to California tomorrow" Rick told his friend, who was in politics and dreamed of becoming mayor of New York one day.

„Please tell me you are not trying to find this girl" Bob groaned. „You know why it's called a one-night-stand, right?"

„It wasn't a simple one-night-stand. I'm going to find her. You'll see" Rick told him.

„You're such a romantic, buddy" Bob said. „Can't just fuck them and leave them, can you?"

Rick didn't tell him that they hadn't fucked. They had made love. Bob would just laugh at him.

„Have fun at the game. We'll go to another when I'm back. My treat then" Rick said and they ended the call.

O-o-o-o-o

Jim walked into the apartment. He shrugged out of his coat and untied his boots. Then he went into the kitchen where he found his wife cooking dinner.

„Hey" he said and kissed her cheek. „How was your day?"

„It was okay. I just have so many cases right now. Sometimes I don't even know where to start" Johanna answered. „And I'm getting new letters every day. I feel terrible for having to tell them that at the moment I just don't have the capacity. And there was this one case that I found so very interesting… You remember, from this Joe Pulgatti guy whom I was going to meet in prison when Katie called. I really wanted this case and I would still like to take it. But I just don't now if it isn't getting to much" Johanna sighed.

„Well, Jo" Jim started. „You can't save the world. And I wouldn't take more cases. You are already pretty stressed and with Katie pregnant I don't think it is a good idea to work even more."

„Yeah, you are right" Johanna sighed. „Of course Katie is my priority. I just wish I knew someone would help those people who are asking for my help."

„Oh" Jim made when he remembered something that could be of interest for his wife. „I got this e-mail from NYU last week. It said that they are searching desperately for experienced lawyers to teach students in their last year in college before they start working. Maybe that would be something for you. You could teach young people what's important to you and maybe some of them will want to give the people a voice who don't have one."

„That's actually a pretty good idea. Thanks Jim. I'll think about it. Did the e-mail say how long the job offer is open?"

„I think it said end of December but the job already starts in January. So maybe it's too stressy with all your open cases. But I'll direct the e-mail to you."

„Do you think Katie will be embarrassed that her mother is teaching at the same school she is going too?" Johanna asked grinning mischievously .

„Knowing our daughter? Definitely. But she'll just have to suffer through it." Jim laughed. „But speaking of Katie… is she in her room? I got her something."

„Yes, she is in her room. Try to cheer her up a little" Johanna said, knowing their daughter was probably staring holes into the ceiling of her room with that heartbroken look in her eyes.

„I'll try" Jim made his way to his daughter's bedroom and knocked.

„Come in" came Kate's voice from inside.

She was lying on her bed with a book in her hands. She sat up on the bed when her dad came in.

„Hey sweetheart, what are you doing?" Jim asked while he sat down next to her.

„Just trying to read" Kate sighed. Her mind drifted of every few sentences.

„Can't concentrate?" Jim asked. Kate shook her head.

„How are you feeling, Katie?"

„Stupid, dad, so stupid. I just feel so stupid for missing this guy so much. I mean I don't even know him. And there isn't such a thing as love at first sight. That's just stupid. But I just can't make it stop" Kate groaned.

„Oh honey" Jim said compassionately and laid his arm around her shoulders when she let her head sink against his shoulder. „Of course there is such a thing as love at first sight. Your feelings are totally normal, sweetie."

„Thanks dad" Kate said. „I just wish they would go away."

„I got you something that will help" Jim declared. „We are going to a basketball game this weekend. Just you and I, Katie, like old times. I know it's not baseball, but basketball will have to do this time of the year. You can even have popcorn and ice cream and everything else you want."

Kate laughed, remembering that when she was a kid her dad would always only buy her one treat.

„Yeah, I'd like that" Kate agreed. „Thank you."

„You are welcome" Jim told her and then he pulled a wrapped present out of a bag Kate hadn't noticed noticed until now. The wrapping paper had little elephants on it.

„I walked by this store on my way to a client this morning and something in the window caught my attention, so I went in and bought it. It was spur of the moment and if you don't want it, I can give it back. So… here it is. Open it" he handed her the present and Kate started to unwrap it.

When she pulled on the soft fabric, a little white onesie came out.

„I know it's sill a little early. It just caught my attention" Jim shrugged. He really didn't know if Kate would like it. Until now she hadn't bought anything for the baby. So Jim didn't know if she was even ready yet to get anything for it.

Kate held the onesie up. On the front was written: „I love my mommy. But grandpa is the coolest." Tears welled up in her eyes but she chuckled a little too.

„It's cute, dad" Kate said. „Sometimes you really can be the coolest. Thanks"

„Again: you are welcome. I love you Katie-bug" Jim kissed the top of her hair. She was still his little girl. She was pregnant now and would have her own baby soon but she would always be Jim's little girl. As soon as he had realized that, he looked forward to meeting his grandchild. He still felt a little young to be a grandpa but he was going to be the best. He was going to make sure of that.

„Love you too dad"

O-o-o-o-o

December 5th 1998

Bob made his way to his seat in one of the front rows. He had contemplated not going to the game after Rick had bailed on him and none of his other friends had time too. And his girlfriend really wasn't into basketball. But then he'd decided to go anyway since he already had the tickets and didn't want to waste two of them.

The seat beside the one that would have been Rick's was occupied by a young woman. Beside her sat an older man, who Bob guessed was her father.

He sat down on his seat. On Rick's laid the handbag of the young woman.

„Oh sorry, is this your seat too?" she asked and went to retrieve the bag.

„Yes" Bob answered. „But you can leave it. My friend was supposed to sit there but he had better things to do. So you can leave your bag there if you don't want to hold it for the whole game."

„Oh okay" the young woman said. She was really attractive, Bob noticed. But not his type. Plus he had a girlfriend. Who was pretty hot too even if she didn't like baseball.

„What could a man possibly have better to do than watch a sports game?" the older man beside the woman asked.

„He is trying to find the love of his life" Bob said and rolled his eyes.

„Sounds a little dramatic" the woman said.

„Oh believe me, he is" Bob told her. „I'm Bob by the way"

„Kate" the woman said. „And this is my father, Jim"

„Couldn't your friend search for his future wife after the game?" Jim laughed.

„You should think so, but no, Rick has to do it this week" then Bob looked the woman over again. She seemed to be exactly Rick's type. Tall, gorgeous, looked like she could keep him in line. _Maybe_ ….Bob thought.

„Hey, do you have a boyfriend" he asked Kate.

Before she could answer, Jim jumped in. „She doesn't"

Kate turned around and glared at him. „Dad!" she hissed.

„Hm…" Bob made. „Maybe I could introduce you. I think you would be his type."

„I'm not interested" Kate told him.

„Are you sure? He is good-looking and kind of rich too."

„I'm sure. I'm not searching for a relationship right now" Kate said. „Now, can we please stop talking about love and just enjoy the game?"

Bob detected heartbrokenness in her voice. Oh well, maybe she had just ended a relationship or something. Too bad. She and Rick would have looked good together. But she had said no, so he wouldn't try again.

Then the game started and aside from a few commentary's they didn't talk much more.

o-o-o-o-o

December 24th

Rick was back in New York and this was going to be his worst Christmas ever. He had nobody to celebrate it with. His mother was going to be in a show.

He sat on the couch in his spacious living room, staring at the shining Christmas tree. He loved Christmas. It was his favorite holiday. But what he loved about it was to see the eyes of the people he loved shine with joy, to feel his own eyes shine like the sun.

This year there were no shining eyes. That had never happened before. His eyes had shone with happiness every year on Christmas. His mother had always done her best to make it special when he was a kid and she would have celebrated christmas with him this year too but the director of her play had doubled the show on Christmas so she had to work all day.

Rick wished he had a kid. He would make christmas the most amazing day for his kid. Christmas would be so joyful if he had a kid. The kid would get lots of amazing and fun toys and they would play together and he would be so happy to make his kid happy. But sadly, he did not have a kid and it didn't look like he would be having one soon.

He hadn't found Mystery-woman. He had gone to that bar every evening for three weeks but she was never there. He had walked around campus because he guessed she could be a student there but he hadn't seen her. And he couldn't really ask people because he didn't even know anything about her.

He hadn't seen her blonde friend from that night either.

So he had flown back home, feeling more hopeless than he had ever felt before.

And now he couldn't even celebrate Christmas. But what he could do, was make Christmas a good day for those who didn't have many of them. He decided to go to the soup kitchen and help there. He had nothing better to do and that way he could do something meaningful.

o-o-o-o-o

 _Thanks to the reviewers who pointed out that baseball isn't played in December and that the semester at NYU starts in January. Since I'm not living in the US (and have never been there) it's difficult to know these things. So thanks for pointing them out to me. I changed these mistakes now._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks again to every body who reviewed and pointed out that baseball isn't played in December. I changed that now._

 _I appreciate all your constructive criticism._

O-o-o-o-o

January 1999

Kate stepped out of her room to see if her mother needed some help with preparing Sunday breakfast. It would help her concentrate on something else than her dream.

She'd dreamed about Mystery-Man again. She'd dreamed that she run into him and that he was thrilled about the prospect of them having a child together. Then the scene had changed and they'd been walking with a stroller and occasionally stopped to kiss each other. Then she'd dreamed of celebrating Christmas together instead of sitting around with her parents, trying to concentrate on the celebrations and not think about him like she had done.

Then she'd woken up and found herself unable to go back to sleep. It was too early to get up for her but she wasn't surprised when she found her mother already relaxing on the couch and reading a book. Her mother was an early riser by nature and was always up at ungodly hours.

Kate stopped to watch her mother read. She had definitely inherited her ability to focus on a book without noticing her surroundings from her mother. Johanna's brows were furrowed in confusion as if she was trying to make sense of something. Kate smiled. What was her mother reading now? A mystery book, no doubt.

Kate inwardly sighed. She had enjoyed her first mystery book so much but when she'd tried to finish it she just couldn't. It reminded her so much of her encounter with Mystery-Man that every time she even looked at the book she felt sad and regretful.

Kate kept watching her mom. She seemed intrigued with her book. Kate wished she could read mysteries without starting to cry every time too.

But then Kate's gaze drifted from her mother's face to the book she was holding. Since Johanna was laying on her back and holding the book up in the air, Kate could easily see the front and back cover of the book.

Her breath caught. Unintentionally she made a step forward and snatched to book out of her mother's fingers.

„Hey" Johanna protested. But Kate didn't hear a thing. All she could do is stare at the picture on the back of her mother's book. The picture of a young handsome man with bright blue eyes.

„Katie?" Johanna asked confused. Why was her daughter staring at her book?

„That's him" Kate whispered, still looking at the picture.

„What?" Johanna gasped and got up from the couch to stand beside her daughter to look at the picture.

„ _He_ is your Mystery-Man?" Johanna asked. Her daughter had slept with her favorite author? „You met Richard Castle?"

„Richard" Kate tried out his name. Ugh, no! „Rick" she tried again. Better, much better but so intimate.

„Castle" she whispered. Yeah, that was perfect. It rolled perfectly off her tongue.

Johanna smiled. _Just wait, Katie, just wait. We are going to find him now_. She left her daughter standing in the middle of the living room, staring at the book. Johanna opened the internet browser on her computer and started to google away.

A few minutes later Johanna came back just to find her daughter still staring at the picture. She smirked a little but schooled her features before she approached Kate.

„Come on, Katie" she pulled the book out of her daughter's fingers and put it down on the coffee table. „Help me with breakfast, will you?"

„Yeah" she nodded, still deep in thoughts.

During their preparations of Sunday breakfast Johanna managed to distract her daughter from all thoughts revolving around Richard Castle. They made pancakes, waffles, bacon, eggs and cut fruit.

„There are my two perfect girls with perfect breakfast" Jim smiled when he emerged from the bedroom. He kissed both of them on the cheek while asking if there was anything he could help with. Of course there wasn't. So he sat down on his place on the kitchen table while Johanna and Kate brought the last plates.

„Katie and I are going out after breakfast" Johanna told her husband while they ate.

„We are?" Kate asked simultaneously with Jim's „What are you two doing?"

„Yes, we are" Johanna directed at Kate. To Jim she said „Girl's trip. None of your business"

„Where are we going?" Kate asked. She didn't really feel like going out. She wanted to steal her mom's book and read it, maybe look some more at the handsome man on the back cover. And then she wanted to think about how she could get in contact with him and once she figured it out she needed to find her courage to actually do so.

„Just wait and see, Katie" Johanna told her, a secret smirk on her lips. „It will be good for you. Trust me"

Kate sighed, knowing there was no way she was getting around that. Whatever her mother had planned she was already excited about it. And when Johanna was excited about something there was no arguing.

That's how Kate found herself in the passenger seat of her mother's car an hour later, still not knowing where they were going but dressed in her favorite jeans and a nice blouse on her mother's insistence.

„Care to tell me where you are taking me?" Kate asked a little annoyed. She knew her mother meant well but right now she felt like going back to bed. If that was because of the pregnancy or the recent discover of Mystery-Man's identity, she didn't know. And she didn't really care. She just wanted to hide in her room and read his book.

„To a book-signing" Johanna replied.

„A book-signing?" Kate's voice was full of suspicion.

„Yeah. This author I like just happens to do one today." Johanna replied with a mischievous smirk.

„Mom, no!" Kate immediately started to protest when she caught up with her mother's intentions.

„Katie, yes" Johanna gave back.

„Turn around, mom" Kate insisted. Panic started to creep in.

„No, we are going to meet your Mystery-Man"

„Mom, no. I don't want to" now the panic in her voice was evident.

Johanna glanced at her. What was wrong? Sure she'd anticipated Katie's protests but not like this. Not like she was actually afraid.

„What's wrong?" Johanna asked concerned.

„I just don't want to go" Kate insisted stubbornly.

„You know you have to give me a reason if you want me to turn around, Katie" Johanna said.

Kate glared at her for a few seconds but then she deflated. „What if he doesn't even remember me? Doesn't recognize me. It's been three months. Maybe it was only a one-night-stand to him. And if it meant more to him than he probably hates me now for disappearing. I can't do this, mom. There are so many ways this could go wrong. I'm not ready to face him yet"

„Or it could go right" Johanna said. „It's not going to get easier, Katie. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. You just have to be brave."

Brave. That's not how Kate felt. But maybe her mother was right. Maybe lying in her bed and turning thoughts around wasn't going to help her find her courage.

o-o-o-o-o

Kate was fidgeting beside her. She was incredibly nervous. She'd smoothed her hair and blouse ten times in the last five minutes. Johanna could almost feel her thoughts running in circles. It was starting to get on her nerves as well. Of course she could understand why Katie was nervous but that didn't stop her from finding her fidgeting unnerving.

„Why don't you get us a coffee from the shop next door, Katie?" Johanna suggested when she couldn't take it anymore. There were still a lot of people (mostly women) in front of them and the line was progressing very slowly.

„Sure" Kate replied relieved. Waiting was making her even more nervous than she already was. How would he react? Would he even recognize her? Did he hate her? Would he talk to her? How would he react when she told him that she was pregnant? Would he want to have anything to do with her and the baby?

Unfortunately after Kate had left the bookstore the line seemed to move forward a lot faster than it had before and soon Johanna found herself second in line and Katie still wasn't back. She studied the young man recently flirting charmingly with the woman, whose book he was just signing.

„Thanks for coming" Richard Castle ended his talk with the woman in front of Johanna. Now was her turn and Katie still wasn't back yet. Johanna threw one last look back to the entrance of the bookstore before she made a step forward to approach him at his desk.

Johanna turned her head to look at him just to find him already staring at her. The charming smile she'd seen him use on the woman that had been in front of her in line all but gone. Instead she could see a vulnerability in his eyes, heartbreak that he'd been hiding behind his charming mask.

Johanna cleared her throat. „Mr Castle?"

He shook his head and pulled up his smile again, still slightly shaken up.

„Sorry" he smiled as he took the book from her, studying her features intently. Johanna smirked. She knew her daughter resembled her. So much for Katie's fear that he wouldn't remember her. „You just…" he broke up. „You remember me of someone I met" he sighed heavily.

„Oh really?" Johanna asked.

„Yeah" he said. „I thought we had something special but then…" he trailed of, heartbreak in his eyes and voice. Then he seemed to remember that he was working and should play his charming role not tell some fan about his personal problems. He shook his head again and put the mask on again.

„So? Whom do I make this out to?" he asked but before Johanna could reply, someone else did.

„Kate Beckett" said her daughter and Richard Castle, who'd already bent down over the book, ready to scribble a name, immediately looked up. His pen slipped out of his fingers as he caught sight of Kate.

„You" Castle breathed between awe, confusion and heartbreak.

„Hi" Kate replied shyly and Johanna watched the sparks between them fly. Well, her daughter hadn't been kidding when she'd said she'd felt a connection with him. The whole room could probably feel it.

Well, maybe not the whole room. Definitely not the dark-haired woman who rudely interrupted their staring contest. Johanna disliked her immediately.

„Richard!" she said sharply. „What's taking you so long? There are still at least fifty people in line!"

The woman glanced at Kate, then back at the author and rolled her eyes in annoyance. „Just write your number in her book and meet her after the signing. You don't have time for this now!"

Richard Castle glared at the woman who must be his publicist or something before he turned back to Kate. He smiled at her, shyness, awe and …was that love?... in his eyes.

„Have coffee with me after I'm done here?" he asked, nerves evident in his voice.

Kate nodded, smiling brightly. „Okay" she agreed.

His eyes brightened up too, the corners of his mouth almost reaching his eyes.

„Great!" he exclaimed. „I'll meet you next door in about an hour?"

Kate nodded again, seemingly unable to produce words. Johanna rolled her eyes. What had happened to her eloquent, sassy daughter?

They just smiled at each other and Johanna had to pull Katie out behind her. Even as the next woman approached his desk he kept throwing glances in their direction.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate Beckett.

Kate.

Finally he knew her name.

She came back. She came back! He felt giddy with joy. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He couldn't wait until the signing was finally over and he got to meet her in the coffee shop next door.

She wouldn't bail, would she? She came to him. She would be there, right?

The rest of the signing he was caught between nervousness and excitement.

O-o-o-o-o

„What if he doesn't want anything to do with me after I tell him that I'm pregnant?" Kate asked, staring worriedly into her empty coffee cup which had never contained coffee in the first place since the doctor had told her that she could only have one coffee per day due to the pregnancy.

„That won't happen" Johanna said for what felt like the thousandth time.

„You don't know that" Kate insisted once again.

„Yes, I do. That man is head over heels for you. Just like you are for him" Kate opened her mouth to deny it but Johanna stopped her before a word could come out. „Don't even try, Katie"

„Maybe" Kate shrugged. „But that doesn't include a baby"

„Don't worry so much, honey. Talk to him, see how he reacts. Don't assume. He seems like a nice guy" Johanna told her. Then she caught sight of the man finally entering the cafe. Johanna let out a relieved sigh. She loved her daughter. But this nervousness and insecurity was slowly starting to get on her nerves. This was so not like her daughter.

„There he is" Johanna said. „See you at home, honey." She got up, kissed her daughter's cheek and walked out of the cafe, greeting Richard Castle briefly on her way out.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks for all your reviews. I really love reading them_

O-o-o-o-o

He sat down opposite from her. He was nervous but smiled at her nonetheless. She was so beautiful. The way she smiled back at him took his breath away.

„Your sister didn't have to leave because of me" he said.

Kate's brows furrowed in confusion for a moment before she started to laugh.

„She would love you for that. She's my mom, not my sister. And I'm pretty sure that she was glad that she could finally leave." Kate told him, smiling at him. It was so good to see him. Her heart was doing somersaults.

„Why's that?" he asked curiously. How could anyone not want to spent every second of their day with Kate Beckett? Especially her mom. And from what he'd seen they had a great bond too. Not that he'd seen that much. But he just had this feeling. Call it writer's intuition…

„Oh, you know, something about getting on her nerves about the same problem for the last two or three months. I think she's impatient that I finally get it resolved."

„And what problem would that be?" he asked in a flirting tone, but his eyes were nervous, curious.

„Ah, well" Kate started. Better now than later, right? „So, like, three months ago I met this guy. Funny, smart, good-looking." She watched his eyes light up before she continued.

„We went to his hotel, had amazing sex." A smirk accompanied the light in his eyes now. „But when I woke up in the morning I remembered this exam I had. And it was already so late. So I ran out, forgot to leave my number and because we didn't exchange names I had no chance of finding him"

He wanted to cut in at this point but she held up her hand. She had to get this out before the courage left her.

„About a month later I was reminded in a very unexpected way that we had sex three times but only used a condom once"

She watched his eyes got dreamingly as he remembered their night but then the full meaning of her sentence registered in his brain and his eyes grew wide.

He was speechless.

So she added „I guess my mom is getting tired of me missing this guy I barely know"

„You are pregnant?" he asked in a strange tone that Kate couldn't interpret. She nodded.

„With my baby?" he inquired. Kate nodded again.

His eyes light up. „Wow. That's amazing!"

What? That was not the reaction Kate had anticipated. She'd just told a guy she really didn't know at all that he got her pregnant and he was _happy_ about it?

„Really?" Kate asked skeptically.

„Yes!" he exclaimed. „It's great. I always wanted to have children. It's going to be so amazing. Imagine all the fun things we can do. We can go to the playground and to the zoo and the museum and…"

He stopped when he caught Kate gaping at him like he'd lost his mind. Suddenly a terrible thought occurred him. His throat tightened.

„You are keeping it, right?" his voice was nowhere near cheerful anymore. He sounded afraid. His eyes were glistering suspiciously. Kate was shocked by his reaction. In a good way. He was so much greater than she'd ever imagined.

„Yes" she replied and watched the tension fall from him again. The devastated look vanished.

He sighed in relief. „Thank god. You scared me"

„Sorry" she apologized. „I just didn't expect you to be this happy about it"

Of course he was happy. How couldn't he not be? The woman he was in love with was pregnant with his child. It was perfect. „Aren't you?" he asked. „Happy, I mean."

Kate was thrown back by the question. Was she happy? She hadn't really thought about it. All she knew was that she was overwhelmed and scared as hell. But did she feel happiness too? She didn't really know.

„Mostly I'm scared" she admitted.

„Why?" he asked as if a child was nothing you should be scared of. Like having a child was the easiest thing in the world like… like tying your shoelaces or something.

„Because I'm 19 and having a child doesn't really fit into my plans and I'm _pregnant._ With the child of a man I thought I'd never see again. And because a baby is the scariest thing I can imagine."

„Don't worry. I'll help you" he said smiling but then something occurred to him. „Wait. I'm allowed to help, right? We are going to do this together, right?"

Kate's heart fluttered at the thought. Together. That sounded nice. Maybe she was happy about the baby. At least she found that she could be if they would be doing it together. As a couple. That was what he was talking about, right? A relationship. A family. Right? He wasn't talking about raising the child together but not actually being together, right?

 _Just ask Katie. Don't assume._ She heard her mother's voice in her head. Her mother was right, of course. She was most of the time, though Kate would never admit that.

„Together as in…" she drifted of, left place for him to fill in what he'd meant.

Oh. It hadn't even occurred to him that there was another way than together together. But there was. There was shared custody. Where they weren't actually together. Was that what she wanted? God, he hoped not. As ridiculous as it was, he was already in love with her.

He studied her, she seemed nervous. And despite his insecurity's whenever it came to her, he didn't think that's what she wanted. But then again he'd thought that their night had been special to her too but then she'd been gone when he woke up… But there'd been special circumstances, right? She'd hinted at that earlier in their conversation. Maybe they should talk about that night first, or the morning after. Get it out of the way to have a talk about the baby. Open honesty was important, right?

„I really like you, Kate" he told her. That wasn't an answer to her half-asked question but Kate felt her heart flutter in excitement.

He took a deep breath, gathering all his bravery to continue. „And I thought we had something special that night. So…I'm not going to lie…I was kind of disappointed when you were already gone when I woke up"

Her eyes filled with guilt. „I'm so sorry. I didn't register that we had no way to contact each other until after my exam was over and by then it was to late. I couldn't even remember the location of the hotel. But we had something special. And I regret not leaving my number. Or better: Wake you up. But I was in such a hurry. I'm sorry" she ended on a whisper.

„It's okay" he said, he just wanted to move forward. He could easily get past the heartbreak of the last three months if it meant that he could be with her. „But where do we stand now? What do you want? Because I'd love to get to know you better."

„I'd like that too" she told him, the biggest smile on her lips.

O-o-o-o-o

Johanna couldn't wait for Katie to finally come home. She absolutely needed to know how her talk with Richard Castle went.

Holy hell. Her daughter had slept with her favorite author. And he seemed to be as much in love with her as she was with him.

„Why did you set the table for four people?" Jim asked his humming wife. She was excited and nervous at the same time. Stirring the sauce she was cooking just a little faster than usual.

Johanna shrugged. „Just in case Katie wants to bring him for dinner." She'd told Jim where she had dragged their daughter this morning and where she was now.

„You know she won't do that, Johanna. She thinks we'll embarrass her." Jim knew his daughter. She'd rarely brought a boyfriend home. Even when she did, it was only to get on his and Johanna's nerves. She wouldn't bring this guy she was so much in love with home tonight. Not after she'd just found him again. She would be afraid that they would embarrass her in front of him.

Of course Johanna knew that too. She just wanted her to bring him with her and held onto the hope that she would.

But when the lock of the front door turned, Katie entered the apartment alone like expected. Johanna immediately noticed that she was in a better mood than she'd been the last months. So her talk with the author went well. Not that Johanna had expected anything less.

„Hey Katie" Jim greeted her with a warm smile. He was happy his daughter was finally smiling again. He didn't really like the fact that some boy had so much power over her happiness but as long as he wasn't going to hurt her again he could get to accept it. „Come on, sit down. We were just about to start dinner."

„So?" Johanna asked after they'd started eating. „How was your date?" she shoot her daughter a teasing smile.

Kate rolled her eyes at her mother but couldn't help the smile around her lips. God, she loved this man so much. She couldn't wait for their dinner the day after tomorrow. And she was eternally grateful that her mother had made her go to the book signing today. Not that she'd tell her that of course.

„It wasn't a date" was all she said. But then she remembered that she still had the book they'd forgotten at the signing. Castle had given it back to her when they'd met for coffee but not before signing it for her mother and making Kate promise not to read what he wrote.

Kate pulled the book out of her bag and gave it to her mother. „He signed it for you" she said and rolled her eyes when her mother's eyes light up. She hadn't known that her mother could be such a fangirl.

Eagerly Johanna opened the book to see almost the entire page covered in handwriting.

 _Dear Johanna,_

 _First of all I want to thank you for making Kate come to my book signing today. She's really special. Extraordinary even. I've never met someone so smart, so beautiful, so interesting before. I can't tell how eternally grateful I am that I've found her again, or she's found me… or you found me…whatever…_

 _I've missed her terribly the last few months because believe it or not I'm already in love with her. But please don't tell her that yet. I want to do that myself when the time is right (which is hopefully soon)._

 _So I know you must be an amazing woman, having such an amazing daughter. As must be her father, your husband. I can only hope that I can be half as great of a parent for our baby as either of you clearly has been for Kate. I'm absolutely excited to have a baby and I promise to do everything in my power to raise it right and support Kate in everything._

 _Hopefully until soon,_

 _Rick Castle_

Johanna smiled when she finished reading. Rick wasn't an author for nothing. He just had a way with words.

„I like him" she said and handed the open book to Jim who read the little letter.

„Let me read what he wrote" Kate demanded.

„No" Johanna took the book back from her husband and placed in on the end of the table, far away from Kate.

„I hate to say it, but he really seems nice" Jim said. Kate stared at him for a moment. She'd never imagined that there was a guy in the world who could actually win her dad's approval when it came to dating her.

„Please let me read what he wrote" Kate begged her mother again. But Johanna shook her head again. Kate groaned annoyed. Sometimes she really hated her parents.

„Let me at least read the book" she pouted.

Johanna laughed. „Like you are not going to read the letter then."

„Then give me another one of his books" Kate demanded.

„That could be arranged" Johanna grinned. „But I only have three yet. Maybe you could ask him if he'd send me copies of his other books?"

„I'm not going to do that. You can go to the bookstore and buy them like everybody else does." God, her parents were so embarrassing. How would she ever survive introducing Castle to them?


	7. Chapter 7

When they excited the movie theater the cold night air hit them. Despite her thick coat Kate started to shiver. Without even thinking Rick pulled his hand out of hers and instead put it around her shoulders and hugged her to his side, shielding her a little from the cold wind.

„Want to get a cab?" he asked. They weren't far from her parent's place and he'd wanted to walk her home, have a little romantic walk, kiss her goodbye in front of her door. But of course he didn't want her to freeze.

Kate shook her head and stepped in front of him. She circled her arms around his torso and pressed herself against him. He put his hands on her back and rubbed warmth into her with the up and down movement of his arms.

„'m not cold like this" Kate murmured into his scarf. The same scarf he'd been wearing when they first met, she noticed.

Rick chuckled. He kissed the top of her head and just enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms. Their date had been great. He'd picked her up at home, shared a few comments about his books with her mother while waiting for her to be ready and then they'd went to a little Italian restaurant. After that they'd watched a movie he didn't even remember the name of because he'd been so busy throwing inconspicuous glances at her.

After a while of hugging him Kate didn't feel cold anymore. Now she noticed the smell of him better. It was absolutely intoxicating. And she didn't care how much of a gentleman he was. She didn't want to spent the night without him. They'd had had sex already anyway. So no need to follow some stupid dating policy. She wanted him to take her home with him. She wanted to spent the night. She wanted to wake up together, have breakfast, have him show her again and again what sex is supposed to feel like.

With her nose she pushed his scarf down a little and started putting featherlike kisses on his neck. She felt a shudder move through him but otherwise he stayed still. She lightly nibbled on his neck then went to his earlobe.

„Kate" he whispered and she could hear his arousal. She could also hear that he was holding back himself. She kept sucking his earlobe, her breath tickling him. „I'm supposed to bring you home"

„I don't want to go home. I want to stay with you" Kate breathed against his jaw. But he shook his head.

„I don't want to rush, Kate. I want to take it slow. I don't want to screw anything up. I don't want it to feel like a one-night-stand again."

„It won't" Kate promised and pushed up onto her tiptoes, trying to kiss him. But he pulled back a little.

„Please Kate" he almost begged. „I want to do this right. Let me bring you home"

Kate sighed. „Okay." She let him take her hand and walk her home. He kissed her in front of the door but it wasn't enough.

„Goodnight Kate" he whispered against her lips. His smile was sweet. He was sweet like ever but somehow Kate felt rejected.

„Night" she replied quietly and turned to unlock the door without looking back. She felt tears stinging in the back of her eyes. She felt so stupid.

She didn't turn around before she entered the house despite the fact that she knew that he hadn't moved an inch. She felt so disappointed. She couldn't let him see.

On the way up to the apartment the tears started flowing down her cheeks. She hoped and feared at the same time that her mother was still up reading in the living room.

But of course Johanna had waited for her daughter to come home. When the lock clicked she put her book down and waited for Katie to come inside. When she did she immediately noticed how upset she was.

„What happened?" Johanna asked. She hadn't expected their date to be anything but a success.

„I'm probably just being stupid" Kate whispered against her mother's shoulder.

„Tell me, baby" Johanna said.

Kate sniffed. „It was great. At least that's what I thought. But after the date I…" she bit her lip. Should she really tell her mother that she wanted to have sex with him? But then again, she was an adult and her mother knew that she had had sex anyway. „I wanted to go home with him. But he insisted on bringing me home" she stopped for a moment before she let her insecurities out. „Do you think he doesn't find me attractive anymore? Now that I'm getting fat?"

Tears were shimmering in her eyes. She'd always liked her body. She'd never been insecure about her looks before. But now she seemed to get fatter every time she looked into a mirror. Maybe Rick just didn't want to see her naked anymore now that she was becoming fatter and fatter by the minute.

„WHAT?" Johanna asked shocked. „Did he say that?" she couldn't imagine Rick saying something like that. She didn't peg him to be this shallow.

„No" Kate immediately replied. Of course he hadn't said that. But Kate couldn't help but wonder if that was the reason he didn't want to take her home tonight.

„What did he say that made you think that?" Johanna asked. She'd noticed Katie to be a little insecure and emotional the past weeks because of pregnancy hormones. Maybe she'd just misinterpreted something he'd said.

„Nothing really" Kate admitted. „He just said that he wanted to do it right, to go slow so it wouldn't feel like a one-night-stand again. But maybe he just said that because he secretly doesn't find me attractive now anymore and …"

„Katie" Johanna tried to interrupt her.

„… and I'll be getting even fatter with every passing day…"

„Katie…" Johanna said again.

„…and how could he ever want to see me naked again…"

„Kate…"

„…and look at him. He could have every woman he wanted. How can he probably…"

„Katherine! Stop it!" Johanna said sternly.

„But…" Kate wanted to start again.

„No!" Johanna cut her off again.

Kate deflated, tears streaming down her cheeks in a steady flow now. Johanna took her hands in hers and made her look her in the eyes.

„I think he meant exactly what he said, Katie" Johanna told her softly. „I'm sure he just doesn't want to rush. He likes you. A lot. Just be a little patient. You'll get to the point where you are having sex soon enough."

„But I'm just getting fatter" Kate insisted.

„Kathrine Houghton Beckett" Johanna scolded. „Enough of that. You are NOT and I repeat, NOT getting fat. You are being pregnant. That has nothing to do with getting fat. Do you understand?"

„But I feel so unattractive, mom" Kate cried.

„Oh sweetie" Johanna had never had to deal with Kate feeling insecure about her body before. She'd always been confident about her looks.

But it wasn't like Johanna couldn't sympathize. At least to some extend. She'd felt a little insecure too when she hit the second trimester of her pregnancy with Katie. But she'd been a few years older, had actually wanted to be pregnant in the first place and she'd had had Jim who'd been so proud and had told her repeatedly that she was beautiful. Now Johanna was sure that Rick would do the same, were they at that place already.

„You are not, Katie. And I'm sure that Rick doesn't feel that way" Johanna promised.

„But what if he does?" Kate inquired.

„I really don't think that's the case" Johanna tried to assure her.

„You can't know…" Kate started when her phone chimed with an incoming message. She pulled her phone out of her purse and looked at the screen.

It was from Rick. Kate couldn't open it fast enough and didn't even care that her mother was glancing over her shoulder.

 _Hey Kate,_

 _I had a really great time tonight. I hope you enjoyed our date too._

 _Sleep well and sweet dreams._

 _Xx Rick_

 _Ps: I can't wait to see you again._

Kate couldn't help but smile at his message.

„That doesn't sound like he has any problem with you or your body, Katie" Johanna commented, the _I told you so_ hanging unspoken in the air between them.

Kate blushed, only now noticing that her mother had read her text message as well. At her mother's commentary and triumphant smile, Kate rolled her eyes.

„Shut up" she grumbled. But she wasn't upset at all.

„He's a good man, Katie" Johanna stated, serious again.

„Yeah" Kate agreed, staring into space dreamingly. „He really is"

They sat beside each other for a while before Kate said „Thank you for being there for me. For dealing with my issues. For supporting me and telling me to stop whining when I'm stuck in my head"

Johanna's heart filled with warmth. „You are welcome" she whispered and hugged her daughter. „Very welcome" she added into the top of her daughter's head.

There wasn't anything Johanna would rather do than be there for her daughter.


	8. Chapter 8

February 1999

„What has got you smiling so widely, Richard?" Martha asked her son after she had sat down opposite from him at the kitchen table. They hadn't seen each other for a few weeks because she had been on tour with a show. They hadn't talked much on the phone either so she wasn't really up to date with his life right now. But now that she was back in New York she'd invited him to their favorite restaurant.

„You found a new girl to fall in love with?" she continued her questioning.

He just grinned. „No mother, I found _her. Kate."_

Martha studied him for a second. He was smiling and his eyes were shining happily.

„Really? How?" Martha inquired.

„Well, I didn't exactly find her. She found me. Or her mother found me… Whatever. Either way, I'm meeting her later tonight. We're going to dance."

„Oh Richard, that is wonderful. I'm so happy for you" Martha exclaimed. She was truly happy for her son. He had been so crushed the last time she'd seen him. „When do I get to meet her?"

„We are taking things slow" he told her. He wasn't quiet ready to introduce Kate to the tornado that was his mother. Not that he actually thought that she would scare Kate away. But he just didn't want to take any risks. They weren't even officially together. They hadn't even talked about if they were exclusive. He thought so but they hadn't yet spoken about it.

„But there is something that I should probably tell you" Rick continued but hesitated. Which of course alerted Martha.

„What is it?" She inquired.

„Um… We are… Kate is… We forgot…" He said. Wow. Why was this so difficult? It shouldn't be. He was excited that they were going to have a baby. He wasn't even worried that his mother wouldn't be happy. She would be surprised probably. But he also knew that she would be happy to have a grandchild soon. Plus she had had him at an early age too.

But somehow it was a little difficult to tell your parent that you were going to have a child with a person you never introduced to them. „I'm going to be a father" he finally said, looking at his mother to catch her reaction.

At first she didn't say anything. Then she looked dubious.

„Oh Richard" she said.

Rick was a little taken aback. He had thought that his mother would be happy for him. He was going to have a child with the love of his life. She should be happy for him.

„What's wrong, mother?" he asked defensively. „Why aren't you happy for me?"

„I am, darling" she corrected. „It's just… I'm just worried, Richard. Does she really feel the same? Or did she just find you because she fell pregnant with your child and is searching for your financial support? You are so much in love with her, Richard, I'm scared she is taking advantage of you. I don't want you to get hurt."

„Kate is nothing like that, mother" he immediately protested and shook his head. „I'm sure that she wants the same. You'll see when you meet her."

„Well, then I'm happy for you, son" Martha smiled and squeezed his hand. She was still worried about her son. His break up with Kyra had been bad enough and as far as Martha could tell he loved this Kate even more. Her son had such a big heart and it can be broken way to easily. She just hoped that his judgement on Kate was right. Being dumped by the person you loved was bad enough. But if a kid was involved…

Wow, he was going to have a child. She was going to be a grandmother. It just dawned on her.

„You are going to have a baby. I'm going to be a grandmother. Wow" she voiced her thoughts in awe. No matter what would happen between Richard and this woman they were going to have another family member and that was just wonderful.

„Yeah, right? I know it's amazing. I can't wait to meet my baby.I'm going to be a dad. I'm so excited, mother" Rick said, smiling from ear to ear.

„How does Kate feel about the baby?" Martha asked. „How old is she anyway?"

Rick smiled embarrassedly. „She turned 19 in November. And she is nervous. Very nervous. But I just know that she is going to be a great mother."

„19? Oh boy…" Martha said. That was young. But maybe she was a responsible 19-year-old. Martha certainly hoped so. „I really can't wait to meet her, Richard."

„you'll have to wait, mother. But now, please tell me about your tour" he changed the subject. He could understand that his mother was worried. But he just knew that everything was going to be perfect. His mother would see that soon enough.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick was feeling good, great even. He was in the middle of one of his most perfect dates. It was their fifth date and so far every date had went perfectly well. They were taking things slow so they could built their relationship on friendship and trust. At least that was what Rick hoped for.

Their date last week had been great. They'd had so much fun dancing and he'd waited for their next date he'd invited Kate to his place. He'd cooked for her, they'd had dessert and now they were snuggled up in front of the TV. Rick loved it. Kate was cuddled into his side and he was able to rest his hand on the small bump of her belly.

They were going to have a child. It was amazing. He couldn't be happier. He was in love with the most amazing woman on the planet and they were going to have a baby together. They created a human being! It was absolutely wonderful. Rick slowly started to stroke her belly. First with his fingertips but when she didn't seem to mind he let his whole hand caress the small bump.

At first Kate seemed to enjoy his tender loving strokes but then he could feel her thinking. She didn't seem to be too happy anymore.

„Stop it" Kate huffed. Rick immediately stopped. What was wrong? Oh god, had he hurt her? Had he hurt the baby? He hadn't put too much pressure on her belly, had he?

„I know I'm getting fat. You don't have to remind me by petting my paunch" Kate growled.

Rick was taken aback. What was happening? He'd thought they were having a nice evening. He pulled back a little from her so he could see her face better.

„Whoa, Kate. You are definitely not getting fat" Rick told her, almost offended. What was she even thinking? Where did this thought come from?

„Sure" Kate huffed and stood up from the couch, her arms folded in front of her chest. Her eyes full of anger. „That's why you don't want to sleep with me"

What? What? WHAT? Rick was speechless.

„What?" he asked ineloquently. What was she talking about? He didn't want to sleep with her? Where had she gotten that idea from? They were just taking things slow. Because they didn't want to rush anything, right? Right? Right?

The angry glint in Kate's eyes made room for frustrated tears the longer she stared at him. Rick slowly stood up from the couch to approach her.

„Okay" he started. „Apparently there is a big misunderstanding here. Just to clear this immediately: I definitely want to sleep with you, Kate. Definitely. Second: you are beautiful. Very very much so."

Kate stared at her feet. His words were nice. But actions spoke louder than words. And they were on their fifth date and he hadn't even kissed her properly, let alone taken her to bed.

„You don't believe me" he observed. How could she not know that? How could she not know how much he wanted her? How much he loved her? How beautiful she was?

When Kate pressed her lips tightly together and tears started to roll out of her closed eyes Rick decided to screw going slow. Words obviously weren't going to cut it here.

He took another step forward so there were only inches between them. He gently tilted her head up with one hand, brushed her hair to the side, placed his other hand on her cheek and leaned down to kiss her. First she didn't respond to his gentle kiss, her lips still pressed together tightly but when Rick wouldn't back away she slowly kissed him back. She tasted a little salty because of her tears.

Rick lightly nibbled on her bottom lip and when she slightly parted her lips he tipped his tongue inside. That's when she really came alive. She lifted her arms from her sides to close them behind his neck, holding him in place against her mouth. She opened her mouth wider and their tongues started to dance. The kiss shot tingles through her whole body. She could feel it in every fiber of her being.

Kissing her was amazing. And now that they'd really started, Rick couldn't stop anymore. But he really needed to get that idiotic thought out of Kate's head anyway. He needed to convince her that he very much desired her.

Kate moaned when Rick pushed his hips into hers. She moaned again, her body pushing further into his and her head fell back with a gasp. Rick used this opportunity to start sucking at her neck.

In turn she let her hands wander down his chest, aiming for his belt buckle.

When her shirt stopped Rick from moving further down her neck, he leaned back a little and lifted it over her head. He let his gaze wander over her now exposed skin.

„God, you are so beautiful, Kate" he breathed adoringly. He leaned back into her, whispering against her lips „So, so beautiful."

He let his hands wander down her sides before he put one on her lower back to hold her close to him. The other hand itched to touch her belly. But he didn't know if he was allowed to do so. Carefully he let his thumb caress the side of her belly. When she didn't seem to mind he grew bolder and soon his hand was stroking her abdomen.

Rick's warm palm felt amazing against her belly but it made Kate aware again of the growing body part and she tensed. He couldn't find it attractive, could he?

When he felt her tense and growing insecure again, Rick left her lips to move his mouth down her body.

He kissed one breast. „Pretty."

He kissed the other. „Perfect."

He kissed the beginning of the small bump. „Precious."

He lowered his mouth about an inch and kissed her there again. „Gorgeous."

He kissed her belly button. „Absolutely beautiful."

Kate felt tears prickling her eyes. He was perfect. What had she done to deserve a man like him?

Now that he was on the way down anyway, he continued that path. When his chin hit the waistband of her jeans, she shivered in anticipation.

O-o-o-o-o

Afterwards they found their legs still tangled together, Kate resting with her head on his chest. With the tips of her fingers she drew little circles on his torso. She sighed. She'd never felt this happy before.

„I love you" they blurted out at the same time which caused them to chuckle.

Kate shifted so she could kiss him more easily. They spent the next half hour cuddling, dozing and kissing in a comfortable silence, before Rick spoke up: „Kate?"

She hummed in invitation for him to speak. He hesitated. Kate turned to look at him.

„Since when did you have that absolutely insane thought that I didn't want to make love to you? Which couldn't be further from the truth, by the way."

Kate bit her lip. In hindsight she could see that her worries were ridiculous but at the time they seemed totally logical.

„Since you didn't want to have sex with me after our first date" she muttered, hoping he wouldn't hear.

Rick groaned. Then he pulled her closer and kissed her temple. „I'm so sorry Kate. That was not the message I wanted to send. All I wanted was to do this right. Because I couldn't stand the thought that we'd go too fast and crush everything we could have by doing so. I couldn't take that. I already love you so much, losing you would destroy me" he confessed. „And just for the record: I _wanted_ to sleep with you after our first date. I just thought I was doing the right thing."

„I don't want to lose you either" Kate said.

Rick kissed her again. „I love you. I want you. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world."

„Show me" Kate whispered.

So he did. Again.


	9. Chapter 9

_I recently noticed that my timeline was wrong. In this story Rick and Kate had to meet in October 1998, not 1999, since Johanna would be dead already. Just wanted you to know so you won't wonder why in this chapter it's suddenly 1999 again._

O-o-o-o-o

March 1999

Rick inhaled nervously before he knocked on the door to the Beckett's apartment. Today he was going to officially meet her parents and he was incredibly nervous about it. He wanted them to like him. He loved Kate so much. They were going to have a baby together soon. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if her parents wouldn't like him.

Kyra's mother had hated him and it had been terrible. Every time he had to have a meal with them she let him feel her hatred full force. She had always made him feel like he didn't deserve Kyra.

Of course he'd met Kate's mother a few times when he picked her up at home for a date. He'd even exchanged a sentence or two with her father. They'd seemed to like him but that had always just been short exchanges. They could start to hate him once they got to know him better.

He hoped he was going to make a good impression. He had picked out his outfit with care. He didn't want to appear too casual or to formal. He had tried several outfits before he'd finally set with a dark blue jeans and a light blue button down.

Kate had told him not to be nervous before she'd left his loft this morning. She had said that she was sure that her parents were going to like him, that he had nothing to worry.

But still…

When the door started to open he took another deep breath. Then he was greeted by a smiling Johanna Beckett.

„Hello Rick, please come on in" she said and stepped to the side to make room for him. „I hope you brought me signed copies of all your books"

Ricks eyes widened. He hadn't brought anything. Well, aside from the bottle of wine he was holding in his left hand. Should he have brought anything? Books? Kate hadn't mentioned anything. Why hadn't she told him that her mother wanted signed copies of his books? He could have brought them and increase his chances of Johanna liking him.

„MOM!" Kate called embarrassed and glared at her mother. „We already talked about this" she hissed angrily when she passed by her mother to approach Rick.

She hugged him, lifted to her toes, whispered a quiet „hey" before she gave him a quick kiss.

„Sorry" she added with another glare to her mother.

„What's the matter, Katie?" Johanna asked. „I'm sure Rick wouldn't mind gifting his girlfriends mother copies of his books, would you?"

„Of course not. I can bring them by tomorrow or …" Rick started but Kate interrupted him.

„No, you won't. My mother can go to the bookstore and buy them like every other person" Kate insisted. Rick looked between the two of them. This seemed to a topic they had already talked about. Johanna seemed to be a fan of his books. Kate had never told him that. Sure, he'd known that Johanna had at least read some of his work since they'd come to his book-signing. But she seemed to be very eager for him to bring her his books. Hm…

„How about we don't discuss this now?" A new voice asked and Rick immediately looked to the other end of the room where Kate's father stood.

Jim walked over to join them beside the door.

„Good evening Mr Beckett. It's nice to meet you" Rick said formally, holding out his hand for the older man to shake. Jim was about to take it when Johanna interrupted them.

„Oh please, Rick, you are the father of our grandchild. I'm Johanna and this is Jim. Cut the formalities"

„Of course, Johanna" he immediately said but to Jim he said „Again: it's very nice to meet you, sir" with an uncertain expression on his face. Jim's gaze was unreadably neutral and he couldn't tell if he was okay with his wife's offer to use first names or not.

The corners of Jim's lips turned up when he finally took Rick's hand, shaking it.

„Nice to meet you too. I've heard a lot about you. And my wife is right. You can call me Jim" the older man told him.

„Let's eat, shall we?" Johanna asked while she headed the way to the kitchen, motioning for the others to follow her. „Katie, did you set the table?"

„Yes mom" Kate rolled her eyes.

Once they were all seated at the kitchen table with Johanna's infamous lasagna on their plates Rick was finally able to relax a little. Kate's parents seemed to like him, especially her mother. She was a huge fan of his books too, of which she made (to her daughter's embarrassment) no secret. Even Jim who was a lot quieter than his wife seemed to at least tolerate him. He wasn't openly affectionate and Rick had trouble reading him. But Jim had complimented him on his choice of wine, which he counted as success.

Johanna and Rick talked about his books and the life as a famous mystery novelist for some time before the conversation switched to the baby.

„So Rick, you probably didn't envision yourself to have a baby this soon in your life. Early twenties isn't really when young man want to become a father. You really think you are up to raising a child?"

Jim's gaze while asking the question was slightly intimidating and Rick gulped. Kate groaned out in embarrassment. Why did her parents have to be like that? Couldn't they just be nice?

„Of course, sir…sorry, Jim." Rick replied. „I know it's not the conventional way and it certainly wasn't planned but I'm looking forward to being a father. I'm very excited. I'll have someone come to the loft next week to turn one of the guest rooms into a nursery."

„Really?" Kate asked surprised. She hadn't known that until now. They didn't even knew the gender yet. They were probably going to find out next Monday when she had an appointment at her doctor's office though.

Rick smiled at her a little sheepishly. „I wanted it to be a surprise. Sorry."

Jim nodded. „That's great son, I hope you know that caring for a baby isn't always easy. It can be challenging too. I suppose you are not going to leave my daughter to do it alone?"

It didn't really sound like a question, more like a threat. But Rick didn't mind. Jim was just watching out for his daughter and since he had no intention of leaving Kate he had nothing to fear. Kate on the other hand glared at her dad. If looks could kill…

„Dad! Stop it. You don't have to answer that, Rick" She told him embarrassed. He shook his head and took her hand under the table.

„It's not a problem, Kate" Rick said to her before he turned to Jim again. „I know that it's not going to be always easy. But I don't mind. I really care for Kate. And I know I'm just going to fall in love with our baby the first time I see it. There's no way I'm going to leave just because something isn't easy. I like a good challenge."

Just when Jim was about to go on with his interrogation, Johanna cut in.

„That's enough for now, Jim. I think we can trust him."

„Thanks mom" Kate sighed in relief. Rick just shrugged. He could have handled more questions. He loved Kate, he loved their baby and he was not going to leave.

„So, did the two of you chose a name yet?" Johanna asked.

„We don't even know the gender yet, mom" Kate reminded her.

„Actually I already made a list with names I like for girls and boys. I just hadn't the time to show it to you yet" Rick told his girlfriend.

„Really?" Kate asked. „Oh my god, why are you so much better prepared than I am?"

Rick just shrugged. „Like I said, I'm very excited about the baby and I just had to do something with that excitement. So I looked up names."

The conversation continued and when Rick said goodbye hours later Johanna hugged him and Jim shook his hand with a friendly smile on his face. They liked him. Rick grinned all the way home. He'd found the love of his life. Her parents liked him. And they were going to have a baby together.

O-o-o-o-o

„Are you okay?" Rick asked. They were back at his loft after their appointment at her doctor's office. They had made an ultrasound. The baby was healthy and growing constantly. As far as Rick was concerned everything was perfect. But Kate had been quiet ever since they left the office.

„Yeah sure" she replied distractedly.

„You are not" Rick stated and took her hand in his and squeezed it. „What's wrong? You are not upset that we are going to have a boy, are you?" he tried to joke but she didn't catch his joking tone.

„Of course not" she said offended. „A boy is great."

She fell silent again and looked down at her belly but she seemed to be far away.

„But…?" Rick prompted gently.

„Nothing" Kate sighed. She seemed to collect her thoughts so Rick sat silent beside her and waited her out. Ready to listen to whatever worried her whenever she was ready to talk about it.

„It's just that I've never even thought about if we are going to have a boy or a girl. Knowing what we are having just makes it more real somehow and I'm just nervous I guess. I don't know" she shrugged and looked down at the floor.

„Hey" Rick said softly and pulled her into his arms. She hugged him back, her face buried against his chest. „It's perfectly fine to be nervous, Kate"

„I don't know anything about babies, Rick" she said and he could hear the tears in her voice. „What if I'm a terrible mother? I'm so scarred that I'm going to screw up."

„Oh Kate" he kissed the top of her head. „You are not going to be a terrible mother. You are going to be great. I'm more worried that I'm not going to know what to do with a boy. To be honest, I wished for a girl. I've never known my dad. I don't know what a dad has to teach his son. I've always been surrounded by girls or women. But I love our baby-boy and I'm going to do my best. And I know that you love him too and that's enough, Kate. Everything else will sort itself out. And if we are having trouble with changing diapers or run out of ideas how to make him stop crying or something we can always ask our parents for advice."

Kate looked up at him in surprise. „You are nervous too?"

„Of course I am" he said like it was obvious. „I'm going to be a father. That's the most scary thing in the world. But I'm very excited too. I can't wait"

„I didn't know. You always seem so confident" Kate said.

„That's because even while I'm nervous I know that we are going to be great" he told her and then leaned down to place a kiss on her lips.

She kissed him back. Her worries forgotten for now.

„What did you say about a list with names?" Kate asked when they pulled apart.

„You want to choose a name?" Rick inquired. „Like right now?"

„Sure, why not? Choosing a name is going to make it more real. I want it to be more real."

„Okay" Rick grinned. „Just wait. I bring the list I made." He hurried towards his bedroom and came out a few seconds later with a sheet of paper in his hands.

He gave it to Kate.

„Of course you can suggest names as well. I just thought you could have a look at my list, see if you find a name that you like too" Rick said while she studied the list.

„Did you really choose a name for each letter in the alphabet?" Kate asked incredulously.

„Isn't that how you do it?" Rick said.

„I don't think so" Kate shook her head, laughing at his silliness. Then she looked down at the paper again to get a closer look at the names. Rick watched her.

„Is there a name you might want to consider?" he asked after about half a minute.

„I'm not through yet" Kate replied. She'd just finished reading the names for girls. „I like Josephine though."

„Not that fitting for a boy" Rick thought out loud, grinning.

„Yeah, I know that" Kate glared at him but with an amused glint in her eyes. „And if you would shut up I could read the rest of the list."

„Shutting up now" Rick said and demonstratively pretended to zip his lips shut. Kate rolled her eyes, trying to hide her amusement. Then she read the list again.

 _Girl:_

 _Alexis_

 _Bellatrix_

 _Cecily_

 _Delicia_

 _Eileen_

 _Fiona_

 _Grace_

 _Hannah_

 _Isabella_

 _Josephine (Josie)_

 _Kasandra_

 _Lucy_

 _Marleen_

 _Nora_

 _Olivia_

 _Primrose_

 _Quintessa_

 _Rebecca_

 _Selena_

 _Tara_

 _Una_

 _Valkyrie_

 _Weena_

 _Xaviera_

 _Yasmeen_

 _Zoey_

 _Boy:_

 _Aldrin_

 _Benjamin_

 _Cosmo_

 _Dweezil_

 _Elias_

 _Felix_

 _Gideon_

 _Hector_

 _Isaac_

 _Jamiel_

 _Kaleb_

 _Lionel_

 _Merlyn_

 _Noam_

 _Oliver_

 _Phineas_

 _Quentin_

 _Reece_

 _Sherlock_

 _Theodore_

 _Ulysses_

 _Vincent_

 _William_

 _Xeno_

 _Yoshua_

 _Zion_

„There are some very exotic names in that list" Kate stated when she was finished. „How did you even come up with all of them?"

He shrugged. „I bought a book. If you there is no name you like I can give it to you and you make a list of names that you like"

„Not necessary, I really like…"


	10. Chapter 10

_I forgot to say last chapter: You can vote for your favorite name if you want to. I have one in mind but I'm not set on it yet.  
_ _Kate and Rick discussed names with each other but they want to keep the name a secret till the baby is born for others. So they are not telling us in this chapter._

 _I have a question too. In Germany we sometimes start our birthday celebrations the day before our actual birthday. Guests can congratulate and give presents at midnight. We call that „celebrating into your birthday". Like with the New Year… Is that something you do in the US?_

 _But even if not, I think Castle would do that anyway… because this way he can have celebrations for his birthday for two days ; )_

O-o-o-o-o

March, 31st 1999

„Are you sure you are up for this party?" Rick asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

„Yes babe, I'm sure. I'm feeling much better. You are not going to cancel your birthday party just because I've felt a little under the weather this morning. You've been talking and planning and decorating for this party for two weeks. I would feel terrible if you would miss it because of me" Kate explained.

„But…" Rick started again. But before he knew it Kate had fisted her hands into his shirt and pulled him down to press her lips to his.

„No but" she mumbled against his lips. „You're having your party. No argument."

„Yes ma'am " he joked. He kissed her another time before they pulled apart and he went over to his dresser to get some clothes.

He still had to prepare some things for the party since he hadn't done them this morning when he woke up to the sound of Kate vomiting in his bathroom. He'd rushed out of bed to hold her hair and stroke her back. She had looked awfully pale and he had been worried sick. He'd wanted to drag her to the doctor immediately but Kate had insisted that she was fine, that she just had to get some more rest. She told him that she'd just been lucky that she hadn't felt sick because of the pregnancy yet. Thankfully she hadn't had morning sickness most days but that morning she'd woken up and felt nauseas.

He reluctantly had agreed to not call for an ambulance. But he'd still been worried when they were back in bed and Kate had looked totally miserable. She'd promised then that if she were in any pain she would tell him and he would be allowed to take her to the hospital. But she wasn't in pain and after he'd gotten her a tea and a heating pad she'd fallen asleep in a half sitting position.

When she had woken up in the early afternoon she had felt a lot better. She'd walked into the kitchen just in time to stop him from cancelling his birthday party. He'd agreed to have his party if she promised she was feeling better, eat the soup he had made her and stay in bed till the party actually began to get some more rest.

She'd fulfilled all of his requests. Even while she had to suffer through great boredom while laying in bed alone. But she'd done it because she wanted him to have his party and enjoy it and not worry about her. She felt great and well rested and totally ready to face a room full of strangers now but he was _still_ worried.

With his fresh clothes in hand he turned towards her again. „Just…" he started and he looked so worried and insecure and his eyes where shining with so much love that Kate couldn't be annoyed at his overprotectiveness anymore. „You tell me if you are not feeling good, right?"

She closed the short distance between them, put both her hands on his cheeks and lifted to her toes. „I promise" she said and gave him a sweet kiss.

„Okay" he finally smiled again. And Kate rewarded that smile with another kiss before she released him. His guests were coming soon and he really should get dressed. Kate would slip into her outfit as soon as he was out of the bedroom. She'd bought a new dress and new underwear. Both were necessary since her old clothes were getting too little for her ever growing belly. None of her dresses fitted anymore.

„I'm going to finish getting the food ready" he said once he had fished buttoning his dress shirt. „You take all the time you need to get yourself ready. And call me if you need me."

Then he was out of the bedroom, the door closed again. Kate smiled while she shook her head. He was just too sweet.

She pulled the new dress and underwear out of her duffel bag. Now that the moment was there she didn't know if she really wanted to wear that. The underwear wasn't the problem. It was tiny and didn't cover much but only Rick was going to see it. She didn't feel too insecure about her body anymore in front of him. He told her every day how beautiful he thought she was and that seeing her belly grow was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever witnessed in his life. He'd even talked her into making a few photos of her belly each month to document the baby's growing.

No the underwear was not the problem. She would definitely wear it. But she didn't feel so sure about the dress. Like the underwear it was red. A color that she knew he liked her in. He'd complimented the red pullover she'd been wearing last week about ten times in one day. He said it made her hair shine brighter, went well with her skin and eye color and was just incredibly sexy. That's why she'd bought that dress. It was the exact same shade of red. So she was sure he would just love it. It was tight too. And short. And lace.

And those three things were exactly her current problem. Well, not exactly. If she were going to have a romantic dinner in the loft just with Rick the tight lace wouldn't be a problem. But it wouldn't be just the two of them. She was going to meet all of his friends. His famous author friends, his friends that were about to climb the career ladder of New York politics, the people from Black Pawn, his editor and his agent and who knows who else was going to be there tonight.

Did she really want to be introduced to all those people with a short curve-hugging dress that didn't only showed her ever growing belly but would drew attention to it? It wasn't that she was ashamed. Not at all. The more time she spent with Rick the more excited about the baby did she become. She was looking forward to have a family with Rick. To move officially in with him (they hadn't talked about that yet but she was sure that they would soon), to have a baby with him and to (maybe?) marry him someday.

But she'd always loved her flat stomach. Aside from her long legs it had been the part of her body she was the proudest of. And now her stomach…wasn't flat anymore. And that made her uncomfortable wearing tight clothes. And she didn't want to wear anything she felt uncomfortable in while meeting people whom she wanted to leave with a good first impression of her.

She sighed. With regretful eyes she carefully folded the dress again to put it back into her duffel bag. She was a little disappointed in herself. It was a sexy dress. She used to feel comfortable in sexy clothes but not right now. Not with so many strangers around her.

She opened Rick's closet where she stored a lot of clothes already and pulled out black pants and a pueple blouse. That would be good enough. It wasn't a black tie event. So she didn't have to wear a dress. She was pretty sure that Rick didn't expect her to wear a dress. She'd wanted to surprise him with the red dress…

She looked over to the duffel bag again. She could wear it tomorrow when they were going to have dinner with her parents and his mother. But that wouldn't be the same. Tonight he wanted to show her off in front of his friends. She knew that. He was that proud of her. And he was that proud of her being pregnant with his child…

She bit her lip in indecision. Should she or should she not wear the dress? He was so proud of her being pregnant. Maybe she could be proud too? Could she pull it of looking proud with that dress on? Or would she just look insecure and uncomfortable?

She was torn back and forth. Then she heard the first knock on the loft's front door. She looked down at herself, still in only her new red underwear. Her belly looked huge. She was almost six months pregnant. There really was no reason that strange people had to see every curve of her body like it would be the case with the red dress. They were going to see that she was pregnant in anything she would wear. And she was fine with that. But they didn't need to see every curve. She could wear the dress for their next private home-made dinner. If it still fit then…

With a last regretful glance at the dress she took the black pants from the bed and started to put them on.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick had just put the last of the finger-food out of the oven when the first knock sounded trough the loft. He went to open the door and greeted Paterson, Connelly and Cannell.

„Come on in" he opened the door wider and his author buddies came in. „You can hang your coats here" he pointed towards the closet in the hall.

„Thanks for the invitation, Castle" Connelly said.

„Yeah, thanks" Paterson agreed. „But when can we await the invitation to your next book release party, Rick? It's been almost a year."

„Come on Paterson, let the boy have a break. It's his birthday" Cannell spoke up.

„Thanks Cannell" Rick said. „But actually, I've had a new idea. It's going to be amazing. You'll see. I hope that I can get it done before July because after that I don't know how much time I'll find to write" he smiled with an secretive glint in his eyes. Only a few people knew that he was going to be a father and most of his guests tonight weren't in that circle.

„Why's that?" Paterson asked. „What's your excuse this time? Let me guess. You can't wear your lucky writing socks in summer because it's too hot then?"

„Haha, very funny, Paterson" Rick replied with a mock glare.

Then there was another knock on the door. And another. And another. And another.

He kept greeting his guest and soon the loft was packed with people who were talking and eating and laughing. Rick wasn't able to leave the door for some time since he had to greet all his guests but when almost everybody was there he was about to walk towards his bedroom. Kate still hadn't emerged from there. Surely she couldn't take this long to get ready, right? He was a little worried again. Maybe she didn't feel good anymore and didn't want to come out and find him because of all the people?

His path was crossed by several people. He didn't want to talk to them right now but he had to at least tell them that he was going to be back in a second. He was almost at the door to his office when he was stopped again.

„Rick!" Bob called. „There you are"

„Ah, hi Bob" Rick said, looking at him for a second but then he was anxious again to get to Kate „Would you mind waiting a minute? I just have to check on my girlfri…"

Before he could finish that sentence Kate came out of the office. His jaw hit the floor. She looked absolutely stunning. She was wearing the most beautiful dress he had ever seen. It was red lace and was hugging her body perfectly. She looked so beautiful he almost forgot to breathe. She searched the room for a few second, her shoulders a little tense. When she found him she gave him a soft shy smile.

Bob all but forgotten Rick hurried to join her. He almost stumbled over his own feet. When he was close he gave her another once over before he pulled her into his arms.

„You look so very beautiful, Kate" Rick breathed, almost unable to speak.

Kate smiled. His reaction was worth all the uncomfortableness she was or maybe wasn't about to feel meeting so many people. She'd been dressed in the pants and the blouse, had done her hair and her make-up and had been about to leave the bedroom when she'd caught sight of the heating pad that was still laying on the bed. She thought about all the things he did for her, what a perfect boyfriend he was and thought that the least she could do was wear the red dress for him. Because she knew he would love it.

„Just for you" she told him and kissed him. She didn't have to get up on her toes this time since she was wearing red high heels too.

„I love you" Rick whispered, his guests all but forgotten. Thankfully most of them were busy chatting anyway. But Bob was watching them. An amused smile forming on his lips when he finally figured out where he'd seen Rick's girlfriend before.

Bob let out a chuckle when he relived the conversation he had had with Kate. At the sound Rick and Kate pulled away from each other, both blushing slightly.

Rick cleared his throat, a little embarrassed that he'd forgotten about the party and his friends but not really sorry.

„Kate, may I introduce you to my friend Bob Weldon" Rick gestured towards Bob. Then his hand found it's resting place on Kate's lower back. „And Bob, this is my girlfriend Kate."

„It's a pleasure to meet you again, Kate" Bob said and watched confusion and then recognition flicker in Kate's eyes.

„You are kidding me, right?" she asked incredulously. Bob just laughed and shook his head.

Rick looked between them with confusion. „What's going on? You know each other?"

„I wouldn't call it that" Bob said. „But we certainly met before"

Kate sill stunned, asked „So when you were talking about this guy you wanted to introduce me to you were actually talking about…"

„The one and only. Yes" Bob confirmed her thoughts.

„Could one of you explain what you are talking about please?" Rick asked, still looking between his girlfriend and his friend.

„You remember that basketball game I wanted to go see with you? When you flew out to California to search for your Mystery-Woman? Guess who sat beside me during the game" Bob laughed.

Rick gaped at Bob when his brain connected the dots.

„You are kidding me!"

„No" Bob shook his head, laughing.

„He even tried to get me to meet you" Kate told her boyfriend.

„But she said no" Bob added. „Said she wasn't looking for a relationship. I remember thinking ‚too bad' because I thought the two of you would fit together."

„We do" Rick grinned happily.

„I'm glad" Bob said. „Congratulations by the way" he added with a look at Kate's belly. Rick beamed at him.

„Thanks" he said with a luminous smile. Kate blushed a little but smiled shyly. She liked Bob. He was a nice guy.

„Bob!" a female voice called and a beautiful woman with dark skin color and a yellow dress came towards them. „There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere." Then she caught sight of Rick.

„Oh hello Rick, nice party. But I'm still waiting for some music to dance to" she gave him an expectant look.

„Yeah, I know. I'm putting music on soon" Rick replied and then turned to Kate. „Kate, this is Bob's girlfriend Lanie. She's studying medicine"

Kate wanted to shake her hand but the other woman pulled her into a hug.

„I don't do handshakes" she explained. „It's nice to meet you, Kate. I can see why Rick was so desperate to find you. You look beautiful. And ,oh my goddess, that dress is amazing. Where did you get it from by the way? We have to go shopping together!"

Kate was a little overwhelmed. Lanie definitely liked to talk and made friends fast.

„Um…" Kate started.

„Oh sorry, you probably have to go meet Rick's other friends. But I'll make sure to find you later so we can plan our shopping drip" Lanie grinned at her. Then she looked around and exclaimed „Oh, look Bob, it's Jonathan and Sarah. Let's go say hello. See you later, Kate."

With that she walked away and pulled her boyfriend with her. Kate watched them a little dumbfounded, then shook her head.

„Are you okay?" Rick asked. „I know Lanie can be a little overwhelming when you first meet her."

„I'm good. And yeah, she seems to be a handful. But I think I like her" Kate replied.

„Good. Because I don't think that you have a choice. You just have to come to terms with being friends with her" Rick laughed. „If I recall correctly that's how she and Bob got together too. Lanie just decided some day that they were together now. Bob of course didn't have a problem with that. He says that they are having fun but that the both of them know that they probably will break up as soon as anything isn't fun anymore."

„They don't love each other" Kate said. She'd observed them when they'd talked and had thought that then too.

„No, they don't. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with someone I don't love but since they are okay with it…" he shrugged.

„Love you too" Kate replied and lifted to her toes to kiss him. He instantly responded to her kiss.

„Aw, don't you two look cozy" a voice interrupted their kiss. They pulled apart and Kate looked at the dark-haired woman.

Rick cleared his throat. Damn, he had forgotten again that he wasn't alone with Kate tonight. Maybe this party wasn't that great of an idea. He just wanted to keep kissing his girlfriend without interruptions.

„Hi Paula" he greeted the woman. „Kate this is Paula, my agent. Paula, this is my girlfriend Kate."

They shook hands. The smile Paula gave her was obviously fake and in return Kate's was forced too. She grew a little uncomfortable when the other woman let her gaze slowly wander down her body. Kate straightened her back and hoped it would make her look confident.

Paula turned to Rick with a huge smile that didn't reach her eyes. „I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Ricky."

„Yeah, well, I do" he said and looked at Kate smiling proudly.

„And she is pregnant" Paula observed. „How is this going to affect your work?"

Kate shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like it when people were talking about her as if she wasn't there or when they ignored her. But Rick worked with her and Kate didn't really now what to say.

„Yes, she is and we are _very_ happy about it. As for my work, we can talk about that another time. I'm having a party here. And if you'll excuse us know, there are some other people I want to introduce to Kate." He then took her hand and pulled her away from Paula.

„Sorry about that" he apologized.

„It's okay" Kate said. „It's not your fault that she doesn't like me."

„I don't think it's you she doesn't like. I think it's the fact that I have a girlfriend in general. Not long after Kyra and I broke up I went on a book tour with Paula and we slept together once. It was a mistake, I wasn't over Kyra then and I hadn't any feelings for Paula."

Kate nodded. She'd gotten the impression that Paula might be jealous of her. Her new knowledge supported that theory.

„Come on, I want to introduce you to my writer buddies" he said and tugged at her hand.

In the next hour she met so many new people that she couldn't even remember all their names. But she liked most of them. His writer buddies had been nice and funny, told her to keep him out of trouble. His editor had been very nice too. Gina had congratulated her to the pregnancy, told her that she thought that Rick was a good catch but said that children weren't in her life plan. Kate had seen that she found Rick attractive (how could a woman not?) but that unlike in Paula's case there weren't any feelings. She'd met a few college friends and a high school friend of Rick. And a police detective he'd befriended when he'd done some research in a cop bar. Roy had been one of his friends she could imagine being friends with too.

Yeah, her head was full of names now and she was happy that she was able to take a break now from all the introductions. Rick was currently using the bathroom and Kate helped herself to some food. She contemplated if she wanted to take her plate full of delicious food out to the living room or if she wanted to stay in the kitchen and eat in relative silence.

She choose the kitchen. While she liked Rick's friends she wanted to take a pause from all that small talk.

She had eaten about half of the food on her plate when someone made her way towards her. It was a red-headed woman in her mid fifties. She was wearing a colorful dress and a bright smile. She made her way through the crowd as if she owned the place. In front of Kate she stopped with a luminous smile.

„Hello there, darling. It's so nice to finally meet you" she exclaimed and before Kate could reply she was pulled into a warm hug.

When the woman released her, Kate asked confused„Sorry, but do we know each other?"

„Not yet, darling, but we will soon" the woman said. „Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Martha Rodgers. Richard's mother."

Kate's eyes widened. She wasn't anything like Kate had imagined his mother to be. Not that she had thought much about what his mother might be like now that she thought about it.

Rick hadn't said that his mother would be here tonight. Kate had thought that she would meet her tomorrow for lunch before they were going to have dinner with his mother and her parents. She'd been incredibly nervous about this dinner. She hadn't yet met his mother but Rick had wanted to invite her parents for his birthday dinner too so Kate had thought that she was meeting his mother for the first time the same day her parents would meet her too. But now she was here.

„Mrs Rodgers, it's nice to meet you" Kate said politely.

„Oh darling, please call me Martha" the older woman smiled at her and Kate felt instantly better. She'd felt a little uncomfortable with all these semi-strangers around her. But Martha made her somehow feel like she belonged here, like she was welcome, right where she should be. Kate liked her.

„You look gorgeous, by the way. Richard wasn't exaggerating when he said that you were beautiful. And I'm impressed by your dress. Not many woman are confident enough to wear such a dress when pregnant but I have to say that you look absolutely stunning. You make being pregnant look sexy."

Kate blushed. „Thanks, Martha. I, um, actually haven't been sure if that's what I should wear but, um, Rick said he liked me in red so I bought in on a whim last week." her cheeks turned a darker shade of red. Internally she cursed herself. Why did she have to tell this to his mother?

„Oh I'm sure Richard loves it." Martha said and winked at her. „He probably has been wishing he could kick all this people out all evening so he can really appreciate it."

Kate choked on her own saliva and was sure her face was now as red as her dress. Had Rick's mother just really hinted at them having sex later. This was awkward. Very very awkward. What was she going to say to that?

Kate was still searching for a reply and stuttered when Rick came towards them, noticing Kate's flustered state.

„Don't scare my girlfriend away, mother" he chastised but gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then he looked at a still speechless and crimson Kate.

„What did the two of you talk about? I guess you did the introductions?"

„Just Kate's outfit and your appreciation of it" Martha shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world. „And yes we did."

„Mother" Rick groaned in embarrassment. To Kate he said „Sorry, my mother can be a little blunt."

„I'm under no illusion that the two of you don't have sex" Martha said.

Kate blushed and stuttered some more.

„Please, just stop mother" Rick pleaded. „And, oh god, please don't talk about these kind of things when we are having dinner with Kate's parents. Actually I think you and I should have a talk about the things you are not allowed to talk about tomorrow."

„Oh Richard, don't worry. I'll behave" she made a dismissive gesture. „Anyway, you are a beautiful woman, Kate. It's a beautiful dress. And pregnancy looks good on you. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a gentleman friend I plan to dance with and entertain later waiting in the living room."

„To much information, mother" Rick called and then groaned again before turning to Kate who still looked a little dumbstruck. But then she slowly started to laugh.

„Wow, your mother is unique" she laughed, shaking her head. That's not how she'd envisioned her first conversation with his mother to go.

„That's one word to describe her" Rick muttered. „Sorry again. I didn't even know that she was going to be here tonight."

„It's okay. I like her. She just caught me of guard when she started hinting at our sex life. And if you could tell her that that isn't the best topic for dinner with my dad tomorrow that would be great."

Rick let his head fall into his hands, shaking it. „Oh god, this is going to be a disaster. How could I ever think that letting my mother meet your parents is a good idea?"

Kate patted his shoulder. „It's going to be fine."

Before Rick could reply someone in the living room started to count down from 10.

„10" someone called.

„9" more voices said. Kate looked down at her watch in surprise. And in fact it only were 8 more seconds till midnight.

„8" Almost everybody was counting now. Kate didn't join in. She just looked at Rick who was smiling.

„7"

„6"

„5"

„4"

„3"

„2"

„1"

„Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rick, happy birthday to you" everybody was singing. And when the last tone of the song left Kate's mouth she closed the distance between them and kissed him.

„Happy birthday, babe" she said when they pulled apart. People clapped. And when Kate released him from her embrace he was surrounded by people who wanted to congratulate him.

Kate stepped back into the living room that was now almost empty since everybody had joined Rick in the kitchen. Kate watched him with a smile. He looked happy in the midst of his friends. Every now and then he caught her gaze over the shoulder of the person whom he was currently accepting a congratulating hug from.

„You know, when Richard told me that you found him and that you were pregnant I was a little worried that you just wanted his money for the child" Martha was suddenly beside her and speaking. Kate turned to look at her. „I was worried that you had gotten his hopes up so high and feared that you were going to break his heart. But I'm not worried anymore. I can see in your smile and in your eyes that you love him just as much as he loves you."

Kate turned to look at the object of discussion. He was laughing about something. The melodious sound of his laugh carried through the room and Kate could see his eyes sparkling in joy.

„I really do" she replied, still looking at Rick.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick closed the door behind his last guest. He looked around. The loft was a mess. But he would clean that in the morning.

He was feeling too happy now to clean. Too full of joy. He loved parties, he loved being the center of attention for a while.

Kate was collecting plates that where everywhere. Rick approached her and took them out of her hands. He put them down on the coffee table.

„Let them be. I'll clean that in the morning. Let me have one last dance with you" he asked.

„There's no music anymore" Kate pointed out.

„Doesn't matter" he said and pulled her into his arms. She came willingly and they swayed together.

„You still have to unwrap your present" Kate spoke into the silence.

„I thought you were going to give me my present in the morning" he wondered.

„Yeah" Kate agreed. „But there is one present I want you to unwrap tonight. It's best opened with the zipper in the back. And as for the location of the unwrapping I would suggest the bedroom if you don't mind."

Rick's eyes widened and darkened at the same time.

„That's the present I've dreamed of unwrapping all night long" he stated.

„That was the whole purpose of that dress" she said. „So what are you waiting for?"

He kissed her passionately and then pulled her through the office into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.


	11. Chapter 11

Hi readers,

I'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I just had a lot of things to do and didn't found the time to write. But I've got the whole story finished now and will publish as soon as I read over the other chapters. There will be one more chapter plus an epilogue after this one.

To those who are still reading: I hope you enjoy the chapter.

O-o-o-o-o

April, 1st 1999

Kate slowly came to consciousness but her eyelids still felt heavy so she kept them closed.

„Hey buddy" she heard Rick say.

Huh? Was he talking to her? That was kind of a strange nickname for your girlfriend.

„It's daddy" he whispered. Oh! He was talking to their unborn child. That's why she could feel his breath on her belly. She would love to watch him but she kept her eyes closed. She didn't want to interrupt his bonding time with their baby.

„I know you can hear me, buddy. I just wanted to tell you that I already love you and can't wait to meet you. Your mommy is a little nervous but she loves you too. And once you are here you can show her how amazing you are and that she doesn't have to worry so much because you and I, we both already know that she's going to be a great mother. Don't we, baby?"

He made a pause. „That's what I thought" he said as if the baby just agreed with him.

„Now let me kiss your mommy awake" he added.

Then she felt him coming back up to her.

„Hey Kate" he whispered concerned. „What's wrong?"

She blinked her eyes open and found that tears were wetting her eyelashes. Oh. She hadn't noticed that she'd been crying.

„Nothing" she told him. His concerned blue eyes were focused on her face. „You're just sweet, totally adorable"

„Oh" he made relieved. So nothing was wrong. „You listening in on my conversations with our son? They are private, you know" he fake-pouted.

She laughed. He was adorable. „It's a little difficult not to since he is attached to my body for the time being"

„And now, come here" she ordered. „I'm still a little sleepy and I heard someone promise to kiss me awake"

Rick chuckled but immediately obeyed her command, closing the distance between their faces.

O-o-o-o-o

A few hours later Kate and Rick were seated on the dinner table with their parents. Until now everything had went well. They hoped that it would stay that way.

Kate had been a little nervous after she'd met Martha at Rick's party last night. Her boyfriend's mother and her own parents seemed to live in totally different worlds. Kate had worried that especially her father and Martha would have trouble finding something they could talk about without disagreeing with each other.

And that's how this dinner would have turned out if it weren't for Johanna who always lightened the mood whenever her husband and Martha disagreed on something like it was the case with baseball. Johanna had just made a comment that had both Martha and Jim chuckling and changed the topic. Kate had given her mother a grateful smile.

„Wow, Rick, this is delicious" Johanna now praised the dinner he'd cooked. „Where did you learn to cook like this? Is that your doing, Martha?"

The older woman laughed. „Oh no darling, I wish I could take the praise for that but I've never been into cooking."

„Yeah, if you want to avoid food poisoning you shouldn't eat what my mother cooks. But Mother had this boyfriend once, when I was around fourteen, I think" Rick started to explain. „He loved to cook and he taught me some things. I started experimenting and some things worked out. But I really learned to cook when I took lessons when I was in collage"

„You took lessons?" Jim asked.

„He wanted to impress his girlfriend" Martha interjected and Castle glared at her. He looked over to Kate but she didn't seem to be upset about the fact that he'd taken cooking lessons for his ex-girlfriend. In fact, she smiled.

„No reason to be embarrassed, Rick" Jim told him, patting his shoulder. „There's nothing wrong with wanting to impress a girl. As long as from now on you only try to impress Katie of course"

„Dad!" now was Kate's time to blush and Rick stuttered to find the right response to that statement. Johanna and Martha laughed. This dinner was fun.

„How is our grandchild doing by the way? I haven't been able to ask in some time. Actually I don't think I've even seen you this week, Katie. Did you secretly move out and in with Rick?" Johanna asked.

Kate's eyes went wide. They had yet to talk about her moving in with him. She didn't know if that was what he wanted too. She thought so but she didn't _know_. She would have liked to talk to him about it before her mother addressed it. Well, too late now.

„No mom, I haven't moved in with Rick" Kate replied cautiously, glancing at her boyfriend.

„But you could" Rick interjected, smiling widely. „You are here most of the time anyway. And we are going to have a child. We already colored the walls in the nursery and picked out the furniture. It would only make sense if you'd move in with me" his tone grew excited and his eyes light up at the idea of Kate officially moving in with him.

Kate couldn't help but smile back at him. They had a whole silent conversation with their eyes until Martha interrupted the moment.

„The nursery is finished already?" she asked. „Can we see?"

„Oh yes, I would like to see it too" Johanna agreed. „By the way, what are you having? A boy or a girl? And did you pick a name yet?"

Kate and Rick shared another look before Kate replied. „We are going to keep it a secret until the baby is here" she smirked.

„Oh no, you can't do that to us, Katie" Johanna protested.

„Yeah Richard, I completely agree with Johanna you _have_ to tell us. I want to go shopping for the baby. I need to know what you are having" Martha added.

„No, we decided to keep it a secret" Rick said and Kate nodded, ignoring the glare her mother was sending her way.

„Well, we are just going to figure out the gender when we look at the room. Come on Johanna, I show you where it is" Martha grinned to herself. She got up and Johanna followed her up the stairs.

Kate and Rick shared another look and started to giggle. Jim eyed them curiously. He shook his head. He would like to know too. But if Katie wanted to keep it a secret he could wait a few more months.

A few minutes later, Johanna and Martha came back down the stairs. Seeing their disappointed faces Rick and Kate started to laugh again.

„What are you having?" Johanna asked. „The room didn't tell us anything."

„What did you expect, mom?" Kate asked. „You didn't think I would color the room pink if we were having a girl or blue if we were having a boy, did you? You know me better than that. I've never been into girly stuff and I don't want to limit our baby in its options."

„Of course, Katie. Will you tell me what you are having if I promise not to buy anything pink for a girl or anything blue for a boy?" Johanna asked.

Kate shook her head.

„Fine" Johanna gave up.

„What?" Martha asked. „No Johanna, we have to find out. We can't just give up!"

„If they really don't want to tell us, then I think we can wait another four months. Don't you think, Martha?" Johanna asked and Martha looked at her with so much disappointment that Kate and Rick started to laugh. They didn't catch the little wink Johanna gave Martha.

So Martha let the topic drop, trusting Johanna that she had a plan.

„So, Katherine told me that you are both lawyers" Martha half stated, half asked, addressing Johanna and Jim.

„That's right. Well, it was" Johanna corrected. „I'm starting my new job as law professor at NYU tomorrow."

Kate looked at her mother in shock. „What?" she asked. „Why don't I know that, mom?"

Johanna shrugged. „Seems like I forgot to tell you. Are you embarrassed that I'm going to be your teacher when you continue studying law?"

Kate ignored the question. Lately she'd been thinking about changing her subject. But she hasn't told anybody about that and now didn't seem to be the right time to do so. Anyway, she wasn't entirely sure yet, so better not get her parents (and probably Rick too) worried just yet…

„But mom, you always loved being a lawyer" she said instead. „Why do you want stop practicing law? I always thought that if one of you would start teaching law it would be dad?"

„You are right, Katie. I always loved being a lawyer and I still do and it definitely wasn't an easy decision. But you know, there are nearly no other lawyers who listen to those who were wrongly convicted. Thats why I've gotten so many letters from people who want my help. I wish I could help all of them but I can't. There was this letter from a guy – Joe Pulgatti – that really intrigued me. I was on my way to meet him in prison when you called me from Stanford, Katie" Johann smiled lovingly at her daughter and Kate smiled back.

„The case really interested me. But I decided against taking it because I already had so many open cases and you are pregnant and I want to be there for you when you need me and not be totally involved in what surely is a very complex case. And then Jim showed me that job offer for teaching law at NYU and I decided to try. I hope I can inspire young people to listen to those other's have given up on" Johanna finished her explanation.

„That sounds like a good idea. And you are great at getting to do people what you want" Kate said, remembering many times her mother had convinced her to do something she hadn't originally intended to do. Or to not do something she had intended to do.

„Sorry for having kept you from that case, though" she added. She knew how much her mother loved a challenging case. She felt a little bad for being the reason she hadn't been able to take it.

Johanna waved her off. „Nothing to be sorry for, Katie. You know that I believe that everything happens for a reason. Who knows where I would be now if I had taken Joe Pulgatti's case. I'm right where I want to be. Celebrating my daughter's boyfriends birthday, eating delicious food and waiting for dessert."

Johanna looked pointedly at Rick. He chuckled.

„Right. I'll bring it on right now." And he went off to the kitchen to get the mouse au chocolate Kate had made this morning.

O-o-o-o-o

After they finished dessert Rick went to the kitchen to clean up a little. Kate had wanted to help him but Johanna had insisted that she wanted to help him instead.

Rick was washing the dishes and Johanna was drying them off.

„So, how are you feeling about becoming a father?" Johanna asked.

Rick handed her a plate while he answered, smiling. „I'm very excited. I'm so a child is the most amazing thing I can imagine. I always wanted to have children some day. I really can't wait for the baby to finally be born "

„I can imagine" Johanna took the next plate from him. „I remember being pregnant with Katie. I couldn't wait to meet her either. Jim neither. He kept talking to my belly."

„I do that too" Rick exclaimed. „I read that it's important if the father wants to form a bond with the baby before it's born. The baby learns my voice that way and can recognize it when it's born."

„Yeah that's right" Johanna said. „Jim always used her name too so she could get used to her own name and learn to recognize it faster. At the end of the pregnancy she used to kick me harder when she heard her own name."

„Really?" Rick asked excited. „Oh my god, that is so cool! Maybe I should start calling him by his name too. Do you think he can do that too? Kick harder when he hears his name?"

„Ha!" Johanna exclaimed, grinning triumphantly „Got you! You are having a boy."

Rick looked at her in shock. Damn. She had tricked him into revealing the baby's gender.

„Martha" Johanna called excited while she went to the dining room to tell her the news. Rick came in behind her, looking guilty.

„We are going to have a grandson" Johanna grinned.

„Sorry" Rick muttered to Kate. „She tricked me."

Kate squeezed his hand. „It's not that bad. I mean its not like they are going to buy every baby boy toy they can find, right?"

„I hope not" Rick replied, still annoyed at himself for falling for Johannas little trick.

„What's his name?" Martha asked eagerly.

„We are not going to tell you that" Rick replied.

„Oh come on, we could get him a blanket with his name on. Wouldn't that be cool?" Martha said.

„And he'll learn his own name faster if he hears it spoken by different people" Johanna argued.

„I'm not going to fall for that again, Johanna. Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me" he muttered under his breath.

„Let's drop this" Jim said, always the voice of reason. „If they don't want to tell us, it's okay. I'm sure they picked a beautiful name."

„Thanks dad" Kate smiled at her father.

„Fine" Johanna relented.

After that they talked some more about Rick's writing, Martha's acting and Jim's and Johanna's work as lawyers. Kate felt happy as she watched her loved ones getting along with each other.


	12. Chapter 12

July 1999

„You did it" Rick smiled at her with so much love and awe in his eyes. „I'm so proud of you."

Kate didn't really listen to what he was saying. She was currently busy looking at her son who was laying in her arms. He was so incredibly beautiful.

Giving birth had been exhausting but luckily it hadn't taken as much time as she'd feared. Her mother had told her that she'd been in Labour for 17 hours until little Katie had finally made her appearance. Compared to that eight hours seemed like a gift.

„He's so perfect" Kate whispered, her eyes fixated on the baby boy in her arms.

„Yeah, he is" Rick agreed, gently stroking his son's cheek with the back of his hand. He was so very tiny.

Then the baby started to cry.

„Hey Reece, you awake?" Castle murmured. „Are you hungry, buddy?"

The nurse who'd been busy with organizing things came over to them to show Kate how to best breastfeed her baby. Rick leaned down and kissed Reece's forehead before he got up and did the same to Kate.

„I'll go wait outside and call our parents in the meantime" he told her. Kate nodded absentmindedly, her attention on Reece.

Outside Rick pulled out his phone and called Johanna first. She picked up on the second ring. Ever since Rick called her this morning to tell her that Kate went into Labour she had been waiting for that call.

O-o-o-o-o

Johanna and Martha had come to visit as soon as Rick had called them. They'd fussed over Reece and brought more presents than they would be able to carry to the car with Reece and all his other stuff. Jim hadn't been able to make it since he had to be in court all day.

Kate was beyond exhausted now and Rick was starting to feel the excitement of the day too. Soon after the grandmothers had left Kate fell asleep in the hospital bed. Rick sat on the chair beside the bed with Reece in his arms, his tiny warm body against him. The little boy was sleeping peacefully too and the fast but steady beat of his heart made Rick doze off.

When an hour later Jim Beckett finally made it to the hospital to visit his grandson, he found all three of them asleep. He smiled at the picture in front of him. He tiptoed over to the little table and put the present he brought on it. Then he wrote a little note.

 _Dear Katie,_

 _Congratulations._

 _You've probably got a lot of presents from your mother and Martha already but I wanted to buy something for Reece too. I spent more time than I want to admit in search of something unique. He's your son, my perfect baby girl (you'll always stay my baby girl, Katie, no matter how old you are), so he can't be anything other than perfect either. I wanted to find a present that would match his perfectness. I don't know if I succeeded but it's definitely unique so I think it's okay._

 _In love,_

 _Dad_

He put the note beside the little light brown monkey with the different colored ears. He'd bought the stuffed animal from an old lady he'd met in the park during his lunch break. She'd sat there in the sun and had just finished knitting the little monkey when Jim had walked by and seen it. He'd told the woman that he was expecting a grandson and that the little monkey with the red and blue ear would be a perfect present. The woman had been mute but she'd smiled at him and had given him the monkey.

Jim watched them sleep peacefully for another five minutes before he left. He didn't want to wake them, he remembered how exhausting having an infant was. They could use all the sleep they could get. And he could wait another day to hold his grandson. He was a patient man after all. 

O-o-o-o-o

Reece just wouldn't stop crying. They'd been home from the hospital for three hours. Reece had spend two of them screaming from the top of his lungs. They had tried everything they could think of. Feeding him, carrying him around, bathing him, putting him in his stroller, singing and so on. But nothing worked.

„Why won't he stop crying, Rick?" Kate asked, there was a frustrated edge in her voice.

„I don't know" Rick shrugged helplessly. They had taken turns carrying the screaming infant but he didn't seem to have a preference. He screamed in either of their arms equally loudly.

Kate was holding him now and seeing her baby scream like that made her heart hurt. She wanted to help him, she needed to help him. She just didn't know how. Why didn't she know how? She was his mother. She had to know what he needed. Right?

„Please, baby, shh" Kate whispered, kissing his head. Her voice was tight. She held him close to her chest and gently rocked him back and forth, up and down, she whispered to him and kissed his head.

Reece wouldn't stop crying. If anything he cried louder.

Kate looked up at Rick again. Tears filled her eyes.

„What am I doing wrong?" she asked.

„You are not doing anything wrong, Kate. We just need to figure out what he needs" Rick tried to comfort his girlfriend. He was starting to get a headache.

„Obviously we are doing something wrong. He wouldn't be crying otherwise" Kate snapped. She was beyond frustrated. She'd never felt this incompetent. There was this tiny human being that depended on her to care for him and she wasn't even able to give him what he needed. Whatever that was.

Before Rick could find something to say Kate's phone rang.

„Can you take it, please?" Kate asked, still holding a screaming Reece. His face was dark red from the effort it was taking him. Kate wasn't faring that much better. By now tears were running down her face. She couldn't comfort her baby.

„Sure" Rick replied. He went over to the table to get Kate's phone. It read _mom_.

Rick picked it up.

„Hey Johanna, it's Rick" he answered the phone.

„Oh" Johanna said, a little surprised that Rick was answering the phone instead of her daughter. „Hi Rick. I just came back from work and wanted to check in with you. How are you doing on your first day at home with a baby?"

„We could do better" Rick admitted, going back to Kate and Reece. He looked at them. Reece was still screaming and tears were running down Kate's cheeks in a steady flow. „Reece just won't stop crying and we don't know what to do. We don't know what's wrong with him. We tried everything we could think of but nothing worked" Rick told her.

„Do you want me to come over and try some things that worked with Katie?" Johanna asked. Rick who had put the call on speakerphone looked at Kate. She nodded, relief showing in her posture at the prospect of her mother coming to help.

„That would be great, Johanna" Rick answered.

„I'm on my way" Johanna said and they ended the call.

Rick sat down next to Kate and put his arm around her, looking at Reece.

„Don't worry. We'll figure it out."

O-o-o-o-o

Half an hour later Rick opened the door to let Johanna in.

„Hello Johanna" Rick greeted her. „Please come in"

„He fell asleep twenty minutes ago from exhaustion but woke up again ten minutes later to continue crying" Rick told her on the way to the living room. „We don't know what to do."

„He just won't stop crying, mom. What am I doing wrong?" Kate asked her mother and Johanna immediately detected the dried tears on her daughter's cheeks.

„Did he ate?" Johanna asked.

„Yeah" Kate said. „About two hours ago. But he started crying again after he was finished."

„Can I hold him for a moment?" Johanna asked. Kate nodded and gladly handed him over. She loved holding him. But not being able to calm him down was exhausting.

„Hello there, Reece" Johanna cooed. „What has you got crying?"

Reece just continued crying. He was in so much distress he didn't even seem to notice that he was held by someone else or that someone spoke to him.

Johanna had an idea. Something that had worked with Katie.

„Okay" Johanna said. „When you were a baby and were upset skin contact calmed you down. So maybe you can try undressing him and pulling of your own pullover. Then try laying down with him. That almost always worked with you, Katie. Better with Jim than with me, though. You've always been a daddy's girl."

„That sounds like a great idea. I have a feeling that Reece is a mommy's boy though. So Kate, you try it, okay?" Rick thought out loud. „I'm going to start dinner. Call me if you need me."

„Yes, thanks" Kate said and gave him a tight smile. She just hoped what her mother had suggested would work.

After Rick went to the kitchen Kate tried what her mother had suggested. When Reece was only in his diaper and she topless she took him to the bedroom and laid down with the crying baby. She put a blanket over them and gently stroked his back, murmured to him, sang. But still, he cried. Kate held him tighter and spoke to him.

But Reece just continued to cry without seeming to take notice of all the effort his mother was taking to calm him down. Kate tried nursing him again but he just cried.

„Please Reece, please stop crying" Kate begged her son. With no success of course. „Please. I love you so much, baby. Please stop crying."

Self-doubt was taking residence in Kate's brain again. Maybe she was in fact too young to have baby. Maybe she should have given him up for adoption. But that thought was even worse. The thought that someone else would get to have her baby. She just wished she were able to calm him down. Why wouldn't he calm down? What was wrong with him?

New tears started to run down her face.

O-o-o-o-o

After Johanna had helped Kate settle in she joined Rick in the kitchen where he told her about the other things they had already tried to calm Reece down. Johanna could feel his desperation too. He was hiding it better, trying to be the hopeful and rational one when Katie was caught in such an emotional turmoil but Johanna could see that he was stressed and upset too.

„You'll figure it out" Johanna told him. „the first days are the most stressing. Once you've found a routine it will get easier."

„I hope so" Rick said while he took some vegetables from the fridge and started to slice them.

Johanna took some of them from him and helped him. For a few minutes they worked in silence. Then Rick stated: „Reece is still crying."

They could hear him scream all the way from the bedroom to the kitchen.

„I'll go and check on them. Kate's already been upset when we weren't able to calm him down. I don't think it's getting any better" Rick said.

„You're probably right" Johanna agreed with him.

So they made their way back to the bedroom and encountered a crying Kate with a screaming Reece.

„It's not working" Kate chocked out.

Rick was by her side in an instant. „Hey, don't cry Kate" he whispered.

„Take him" Kate said and almost shoved Reece into his arms. Rick took him. Kate pulled her knees towards her chest and started to sob.

„I'm a terrible mother" she sobbed.

„No, you're not" Rick argued.

„Yes I am" Kate spat. Rick was standing beside their bed with his screaming son in his arms and his sobbing girlfriend in front of him. He didn't know what to do. Desperately he looked at Johanna for help.

„Call your mother and ask her if she's got an idea. Maybe she knows something that worked with you" Johanna told him. Then she glanced at Kate who was sobbing into her knees and not listening to them anymore.

„And take Reece out of hearing range if that's possible. I don't think I'll be able to calm her down if she hears him cry" Johanna added.

„And if Martha isn't able to provide a successful advice either, we'll take him back to the hospital, okay?" she asked Rick and he nodded. They had a plan. And it was hopefully going to work.

O-o-o-o-o

„Katie" Johanna said softly and sat down beside her daughter. Kate immediately turned towards her and started to sob into her mother's shoulder.

„Shh Katie, everything will be alright" Johanna soothed.

„I'm a terrible mother. We haven't even been home for a whole day and I already messed up. Maybe I'm too young to be a mother. Or I'm just not cut out to be one at all" Kate sobbed.

„No Katie, shh" Johanna made. „Don't say that. You love him. That's the most important thing. We'll figure the rest out."

„What if I won't ever be able to comfort my son?" Kate asked. „Someone will take him away, search another family for him. Rick will break up with me…"

„Stop it, Katherine" Johanna interrupted her sternly. „Nobody will take Reece away and Rick won't break up with you either. Now take a deep breath and try calming down."

Kate nodded, took a shaking breath in and let the air out again. She knew she was being unreasonable but she just couldn't help it. She took another deep breath. It was less shaky.

When she'd calmed down she noticed something. Or better: she noticed the absence of something.

„Did Reece stop crying?" she asked hopefully. Maybe Rick had found a way to calm him down?

„Maybe" Johanna said. „But I told Rick to take him outside so you could calm down too. He wanted to call Martha to ask her if she had an advice. Every baby is different and you just have to find out what it is that helps Reece."

Kate nodded. She felt better already and started to became impatient to look how her baby was doing.

„Now, if you are feeling better we can go out and see where Rick and Reece are" Johanna said.

„Yeah, let's go" Kate agreed and they went out to the living room. There she could hear Reece's crying again. It came from upstairs.

„Rick!" Kate called.

It didn't take long until he appeared on top of the stairs.

„Are you feeling better?" he asked while he came down the stairs. Kate nodded. Then she looked at Reece.

„So he didn't stop" Kate stated.

Rick shook his head. „No, but my mother will be here any sec…"

Right in that moment there was a knock at the door.

Johanna let the other woman in and updated her on the situation.

„Hm" Martha made. „I think I know what might be wrong"

She went over to the young parents and looked at Reece. Yeah, the distress in his face reminded her very much of Richard when he was a baby.

Martha approached them. „I've got an idea. May I?" she asked, looking expectantly at her son.

„Try your luck, mother" he said and let Martha take Reece. Rick looked a tiny little bit relieved to hand the crying infant over.

„Well, hello there, beautiful boy" Martha cooed. Reece cried. „Oh poor baby, you are uncomfortable, aren't you? Do you have a bellyache?"

While she talked to the baby she went to the sofa where she laid Reece down in front of her. Johanna, Kate and Rick went after them.

„It's aching here, right?" Martha cooed while she gently stroked Reece's tummy with both of her hands. Reece cried. „I know it's terrible, my beautiful boy. But don't worry, grams knows what to do. Daddy used to have bellyaches all the time too. It's going to be better soon."

While she talked to him, Martha massaged Reece's tummy, sometimes she only used her thumbs, then all her fingertips, then her palms. The other's watched fascinated when Reece's crying grew quieter and then stopped. He yawned a few times, his eyelids fluttered and he was asleep. The whole process had taken about five minutes.

„Wow" Kate said, amazed and relieved that Reece was finally asleep. „Thank you, Martha."

„That was amazing, mother" Rick said. 

„How did you know that?" Johanna asked.

„Richard used to scream all the time too. Every evening he screamed for about four hours until he fell asleep from exhaustion. It was terrible. I didn't know what to do. I had no one to help me. And with every day it didn't get better I became more devastated. Then about a week and a half of screaming there was a knock on our door. I went to open it and there stood our elderly neighbor. She was about to complain about the noise. But when she saw my tear-stained face, she didn't.

She looked at Richard once and said ‚He's got a bellyache.' Then she went past me into our tiny living room, said ‚I show you how to calm him down', took him out of my arms and put him down on the couch. Then she showed me how to massage his tummy so to ease his pain. She had had six kids and 23 grandchildren. That woman knew what she was doing. I learned that massage from her and it worked every time. And boy did I need that little trick. Richard used to have bellyaches almost every evening for the first year of his life. Of course I took him to the doctor too but he said that it was normal for some babies and that it would grow itself out. So I used to massage his tummy every night and when he grew older he only had bellyaches occasionally. But even then massaging his tummy helped."

„You think Reece inherited these bellyaches from Rick?" Kate asked.

„I think so" Martha said.

„Can you show us how this massage is done?" Rick asked.

„Of course. Come here, Katherine. I show you how it's done. And you take notes, Richard" Martha instructed.

„First of all you need to have warm hands because it will work best on his naked tummy and cold hands won't relax him. Then you start with putting both your hands on his tummy and start to stroke from the middle down his sides"

Martha demonstrated Kate how to do it and Rick hastily scribbled down every step.

After Kate and Rick had learned how to massage Reece's tummy in case he got bellyaches again, Martha and Johanna bid them goodbye. They could see the exhaustion in their children's eyes.

„You know you can always call me and I'm sure Martha too if you need any help" Johanna said. „There is no reason why you would have to figure out everything on your own. As long as I'm here I'm happy to help you out."

„Me too" Martha said. „But now darlings, I have to go. Have a nice quiet evening." She kissed Rick and Kate on the cheek, Johanna hugged them and then they made their way out of the loft.

„Now, what do you want to do?" Rick asked.

„Sleep" Kate replied.

„Agreed" Rick said.

They put their sleeping son to his bed and then went to bed theirselves. An hour later they were woken up again by the crying infant but this time Kate just had to feed him and then he fell back to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Epilogue

Rick was nervous. Beyond nervous. It was Kate's 20th birthday today and he had a very special present for her.

Reece was going to help him. After Kate had left for classes that morning he had dressed their son in the bodysuit he had bought for this special occasion. Over that Reece was wearing an adorable jumper that had to be taken of completely in order to change his diaper. Very unpractical on a normal day but just what Rick needed for his plan to work.

Now he only had to hope that Reece would need a new diaper the same time he usually did.

Rick was currently preparing dessert with Reece strapped to his chest, when he heard the lock of the front door turn.

A few minutes later Kate came into the kitchen.

„Look Reece who is there. It's mommy" Rick told him. The little boy looked around excitedly until his eyes found Kate and he squeaked in delight.

„Hello there, my sweet boy. Are you helping daddy going over the top for me?" She cooed and Reece laughed, trying to grasp her hair with his baby fingers.

Kate laughed and took him into her arms. Then she leaned over to kiss her boyfriend.

„Hey" she whispered against his lips.

„Hey birthday girl, how was the academy?" he asked.

After a long time thinking about it, Kate had decided to change from law to becoming a part of the force. Reading Rick's books had inspired her to become a detective. She felt an strong pull towards solving murder cases. She couldn't quite explain it to herself but when she'd talked to Rick about it he had told her he would support her in whatever she wanted to do.

Of course he was a little worried that something could happen to her when she became a cop but the prospect of having his absolutely amazing girlfriend become his inspiration for a novel excited him. He hoped that once she made detective he could shadow her for a few cases to get his books more real. He'd wished to shadow someone for his books ever since he started writing but he hadn't had the necessary connections yet. Maybe in a few years when Kate was a detective and his friend Bob became mayor of New York …

„It was great. But I missed you" she looked at Reece when she said it. Rick smiled. „Can I help you with something?"

Rick shook his head. „No. But I wouldn't mind some company while cooking."

„Sure" Kate smiled at him and sat down at the kitchen counter with Reece.

Normally Rick would tell her to go relax on the couch but he needed to know when exactly she was going to change Reece's diaper so he could lurk around the corner when she saw his bodysuit. He needed to see her reaction. It couldn't be long anymore until it was time for Reece to fill his diaper. It happened at the same time every day.

Just not that day, as it turned out. It was almost time for their parents to arrive for dinner and he still didn't need a diaper change as it seemed.

„Doesn't he need a new diaper?" Rick asked Kate.

„No" Kate shrugged.

„Are you sure? He always needs a change this time of the day." Rick said.

„Yes, I'm sure" Kate replied.

„But we should dress him in something else" Rick tried. „Something more fitting for a party"

„Why?" Kate asked. He was being strange. „I think it's cute. He looks adorable. I don't want to put him in uncomfortable clothes because of my birthday. And our parents won't mind what he's wearing anyway."

„Yeah, you are right" Rick said, desperately searching for something he could say to convince her to give Reece a diaper change without a reason. He couldn't come up with anything.

When there was a knock on the door and Kate and Reece went to open it, he sighed. It seemed like his plan wasn't going to work the way he'd imagined.

Kate lead her parents and Martha who had arrived shortly after to the living room. Rick just added the last touches to the dinner he'd prepared. When dinner was ready he turned the stove off and went to join the others.

When he entered the room his eyes travelled in search for Kate like they usually did. He didn't find her. Reece neither.

„Where's Kate?" he asked his mother and Kate's parents.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate put Reece down on the changing table.

„Hello there, my sweet little boy" she cooed and tickled Reece lightly. He squealed in joy.

Kate played a little longer with him before she started the process of pulling his jumper of.

„What did daddy dress you in, Reece?" she asked the little boy. „Why doesn't this thing open on the bottom, hm? We need to pull it off all the way and then we have to turn it on again."

Reece made an unhappy sound.

„I know, baby. Undressing and dressing isn't your favorite pastime. Mommy is trying to make it quick, okay?"

As gently as she could she pulled Reeces left arm out of the jumper. He didn't like it anyway.

When Kate pulled Reece's other arm out of the jumper she noticed that there was something written on Reece's bodysuit. She didn't recognize the bodysuit and pulled down the jumper so she could the whole inscription.

When she read it her breath caught and her heart started to beat faster in excitement.

 _Will you marry my daddy?_

O-o-o-o-o

Just when Johanna was about to tell Rick that Kate had taken Reece upstairs to change his diaper Kate came flowing down the stairs, a half dressed Reece in her arms. His jumper was dangling from his feet and he was laughing because apparently he liked the fast up and down movement while his mother was almost running down the stairs.

Before Rick could fully process what was happening Kate threw herself (and Reece) into his arms.

„Yes" Kate answered the question written on Reece's bodysuit. She kissed Rick, not caring that their parents were just a few feet away.

Rick kissed her back, then pulled away a little, pulling something out of his jeans pocket before sinking down on one knee.

They were making quite a ridiculous picture. Kate crying happy tears with a half dressed Reece in her arms and Rick on his knees in front of her, still in his apron because he'd forgotten to pull it off after he finished cooking.

„Kate" he started. „You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you with all of my heart. I can't imagine my life without you. You and Reece are the light in my days, the sunshine in my heart. The thing I'm most afraid of is losing you. I don't ever want to lose you. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy, be everything that you need and love you. So Kate, will you marry me?"

At his last words he held out a beautiful ring. Kate was speechless. What had she done to deserve him? She nodded.

„Yes" she choked out, her voice tight with happy tears. She cleared her throat and said „Yes, Rick, yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

After he'd put the ring on her finger, she grabbed his shirt with the hand not holding Reece and pulled him closer to kiss him on the lips.

They were going to be a family in every sense of the word soon. Rick couldn't wait. He even had a few more plans for the future but he would hold them back. They were still so young and had all the time in the world to make additions to their little family. For now they were happy just how it was.


End file.
